IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The only reason for people work hard is to earn money. There are no other reasons to do it. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

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Many
people
Use synonyms
 think that earning more
money
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 is the only purpose of working hard.
While
Linking Words
money
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 is very important in our real
life
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, many
people
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working
Wrong verb form
work
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 hard not only for
this
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 purpose. I partly agree with
this
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 statement. On one hand,
money
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 can help us in many different ways. When we
earning
Wrong verb form
earn
show examples
 more
money
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, we can buy things we want and improve our quality of
life
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.
For example
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, we can provide a better education for our child,
a
Remove the article
apply
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good medical care for our parents, we can purchase a better house for our family.
Also
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, we can use our
money
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 to improve ourselves like taking some professional classes, going on a trip and trying new things.
Furthermore
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, if we earn more
money
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, we can ensure our living and safety when we experience natural disasters like
earthquake
Fix the agreement mistake
earthquakes
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.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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work
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 hard for other reasons. Some
people
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work
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 very hard because they want to improve their professional ability in
this
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 field. Like many doctors and engineers, they
work
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 very hard to develop their skills and gain more experience, so that they can become more professional in the future to help more
people
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 even
they
Correct word choice
if they
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work
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 with low
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
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.
Moreover
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,
people
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also
Linking Words
work
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 for their passion
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Change the word
their
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 career, like many
people
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 who volunteer in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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social
work
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 because they enjoy the process of helping others. Some
people
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work
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 to connect with others so they can build their own social networks and benefit them in the future. In conclusion,
people
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Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
working
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 hard to earn
money
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 is very common because
money
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 is important in our real
life
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, it helps develop our quality
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 daily
life
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 and
ensure
Correct subject-verb agreement
ensures
show examples
 our living when we face natural disasters. But
there’s
Change the verb form
there are
show examples
 still many
people
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 working in order to improve skills, build social
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
 and for their love of the profession.

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task achievement
Make sure to include a clear thesis statement in your introduction. This will help guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures and vocabulary. This will enhance the overall quality of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a distinct main idea and that it's clearly linked to your overall argument.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your ideas, which is a strong aspect of your writing.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is important for coherence.
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