IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Computer games are very popular in all ages and nations. Parents think it has little educational value and more harmful effects. What is your opinion about this? Give an example based on your own experience.

Nowadays,
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
 popular topic for dispute is "How
Use synonyms
computer
Verb problem
do computer
show examples
games
Use synonyms
affects
Wrong verb form
affect
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
?". For
someone
Use the right word
some people
show examples
, gaming is
way
Correct article usage
a way
show examples
 to relax after a long day; for
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
it
Punctuation problem
, it
show examples
 is even a profession.
However
Linking Words
,
If
Fix capitalization
if
show examples
 we are talking about
children
Use synonyms
, for them
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 have
bacame
Correct your spelling
become
 a universal soldier: it can be a
baby-sitter
Use the right word
babysitter
show examples
, a teacher, a friend and even
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
a parents
show examples
parents
Fix the agreement mistake
parent
show examples
. So let's find
positive
Correct article usage
the positive
show examples
 and negative
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
show examples
 of
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, we need to research
parent's
Check wording
parents'
show examples
 position
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
Linking Words
 question. Nearly 80% of
parents
Use synonyms
 all around the world say that
computer
Use synonyms
game
Use synonyms
 is
cruel
Correct article usage
a cruel
show examples
 enemy for
children
Use synonyms
.
Virtual
Correct article usage
A virtual
show examples
 world
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
created by pixels
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 can still their kids from reality. I
particulary
Correct your spelling
particularly
 agree with
this
Linking Words
 theory.
However
Linking Words
,
big
Correct word choice
a large
show examples
 amount of time
with
Verb problem
spent with
show examples
Use synonyms
computer
Correct article usage
a computer
show examples
 is
sign
Correct article usage
a sign
show examples
 which shows
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
us that
child
Correct article usage
the child
show examples
 doesn't have time with
parents
Use synonyms
. So, in my opinion, only warm
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 with
parents
Use synonyms
ans
Correct your spelling
and
 real friends can create rational lines for
Use synonyms
game's
Check wording
game
show examples
 time. And
parents
Use synonyms
 or older sister and brother can help with choosing
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
game
Use synonyms
 without any harmful effects. I have a little brother and his first "
computer
Use synonyms
" steps
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 with me. We
For
Change preposition
On
show examples
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand, 20% of
parents
Use synonyms
 and young teachers say that
Use synonyms
game
Correct article usage
the game
show examples
 is
perfect
Correct article usage
a perfect
show examples
 way for comfortable education. One of the main reasons for the popularity of
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 is accessibility. Another factor is the variety of
games
Use synonyms
. There are action
games
Use synonyms
, strategy and puzzles, simulations and
educations
Replace the word
educational
show examples
 ones. The diversity
attract
Correct subject-verb agreement
attracts
show examples
 people of all ages and
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
. Teachers use
Use synonyms
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 school and university.
Children
Use synonyms
 can meet with people from another country and
prictise
Correct your spelling
practise
 language
Linking Words
for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
 example. In conclusion,
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 are popular among all ages and nations mainly because they are accessible. In my opinion,
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 can be a
safety
Replace the word
safe
show examples
 place only under
olders
Correct your spelling
older
 control.

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task response
Your view is not clear. Say your main idea at the start and show it again in the end.
coherence
Make one idea per paragraph. Use clear link words to move from one idea to the next.
content
Add more real examples that fit the idea you state.
language accuracy
Check spelling and grammar so people can read easily.
content
The essay tries to cover both sides of the topic.
content
There is a personal touch with your own family example.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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