IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Government investment in sports is a waste of money. Government must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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The
governments
Use synonyms
 are called to make difficult and important decisions,
as
Change preposition
for
show examples
 instance where invest their resources. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
sports
Use synonyms
 should not be the main purpose of the
governemnts
Correct your spelling
governments
government
,
Linking Words
instead
Add a comma
instead,
show examples
 they should focus on public
services
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 I understand
this
Linking Words
 point of view, I think
however
Linking Words
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
 – especially the team ones – as a crucial part of human
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
. The institutions should be able to administer equally their
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 finances to satisfy properly the necessities of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
. Nowadays, our countries lack
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
significant
services
Use synonyms
, or sometimes the ones that they have are not working properly.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, many
people
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 think that
sports
Use synonyms
 are their
last
Linking Words
 worries.
Instead
Linking Words
, they would like more interventions
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the Hospital sector,
or
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Schools'
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Schools
show examples
 institutions, or still
on
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apply
show examples
pursuing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
equality – of gender, and race. In Italy,
for example
Linking Words
, the hospitals are in bad
conditions
Fix the agreement mistake
condition
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, with old and
danger
Replace the word
dangerous
show examples
 facilities, and usually a long
que
Correct your spelling
queue
 at the Emergency or a long waiting list for operations. You might enter the hospital at 9.00 am with a
break
Change the verb form
broken
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 leg and go out at 5.00 pm with a cast.
Due to
Linking Words
 these problems, I agree that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
governments
Use synonyms
 should invest in public
services
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 before, and only after
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sports
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.
However
Linking Words
, sport is essential.
Sports
Use synonyms
 – especially football, basketball, volleyball, and other team
sports
Use synonyms
 – are a simple way to teach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children human values,
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
 equality and cooperation, and to let them socialize, or even build new friendships.
Moreover
Linking Words
, sporting
people
Use synonyms
 have usually good health conditions, which means they require
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
 medical treatments, so
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 health expenses for the
governments
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. From my point of view,
people
Use synonyms
 should be aware of the
sports
Use synonyms
 benefits and the
governments
Use synonyms
 should continue to invest a part of their resources
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 that.
However
Linking Words
, they should
also
Linking Words
 resolve other issues
first,
Linking Words
like making public
services
Use synonyms
 efficient. Some
people
Use synonyms
 still believe that
sports
Use synonyms
 are a bad
investiment
Correct your spelling
investment
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society,
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
governments
Use synonyms
 should pay more attention to public
services
Use synonyms
. I believe that
sports
Use synonyms
 are important
to build
Change preposition
for building
show examples
 relationships and
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
show examples
 the “team spirit”, but at the same
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
 the
government
Change noun form
government's
show examples
 primary efforts should be public service.

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task achievement
Clarify your main argument in the introduction; consider rephrasing for clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that relates to your thesis statement.
coherence and cohesion
Use transition phrases to improve flow between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Check for grammatical errors, particularly typos (e.g., 'governemts', 'investiment').
task achievement
You provided relevant examples, like the state of hospitals in Italy, to support your points.
task achievement
You acknowledged both sides of the argument, which demonstrates critical thinking.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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