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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The two tables illustrate the view of city dwellers being surveyed on six different sides of life in 1980 and 2010

The two tables illustrate the view of city dwellers being surveyed on six different sides of life in 1980 and 2010
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The two tables illustrate the view of city dwellers being surveyed on six different sides of life in 1980 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the opinions of urban residents on shops, healthcare, transport
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
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 and accommodation improved over
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
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while
Linking Words
 the opposite was witnessed with education and
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
. In terms of education, 82
people
Use synonyms
 thought that it was good in 1980,
however
Linking Words
, the number declined to 76 in 2010. Meanwhile, the proportion of them thinking that the quality of it was bad rose from 6 in 1980 to 11 in 2010. Of those being asked about
environment
Add an article
the environment
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, 72 residents considered it as good in 1980,
nevertheless
Linking Words
, that figure shrunk to 64 in 2010. The number of them
viewed
Correct pronoun usage
who viewed
show examples
environment
Add an article
the environment
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 as
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 a bad quality doubled after the period of 30 years. City
dwellers
Change noun form
dweller's
dwellers'
show examples
 thoughts on shops witnessed a positive view as the number of
people
Use synonyms
 considering it
good
Change the adjective
well
show examples
 increased from 75 in 1980 to 81 in 2010. The proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 providing neutral views about shops decreased by only 2
people
Use synonyms
 during the time of the survey. About healthcare and transportation, the proportion of residents
had
Correct pronoun usage
who had
show examples
 bad opinions on them all decreased from 12, 14 in 1980 to only 7,11 in 2010 respectively. With accommodation, the good view
providing
Wrong verb form
provided
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 by urban dwellers accelerated from 56
people
Use synonyms
 in 1980 to 65
people
Use synonyms
 in 2010,
however
Linking Words
, the figure of
people
Use synonyms
considered
Correct pronoun usage
who considered
show examples
 it bad
also
Linking Words
 increased by 8
people
Use synonyms
 after 30 years.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrate" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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