IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that parents should set strict rules for their children if they want them to succeed in life. Others think that strict rules are not necessary for children to obtain success. Which do you think is better?

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The problem of whether or not parents should create
sever
Correct your spelling
severe
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 rules for their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
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 has sparked a heated debate.
While
Linking Words
 some individuals argue that it will help to
discipline
Use synonyms
 and prepare future adults, I contend that
such
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approach
Correct article usage
an approach
show examples
 leads to stress and lack of independence,
what
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 will have
it's
Replace the word
its
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 own
footstep
Fix the agreement mistake
footsteps
show examples
 in their mentality. There are several reasons why people think that hard limits have a beneficial effect on a child, with the main one being that it will create rock
discipline
Use synonyms
, which is a quality of a
succesful
Correct your spelling
successful
 person. As practice performed,
ability
Correct article usage
the ability
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 to execute all tasks
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
 time directly correlates with
efficiency
Add an article
the efficiency
show examples
 of work. A study made by experts of
high
Correct article usage
the high
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buisness
Correct your spelling
business
 school of Astana emphasized a tendency that most
of
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apply
show examples
leaders
Add an article
the leaders
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 of huge corporations have a strong
discipline
Use synonyms
.
In addition
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 to
nessecity
Correct your spelling
the necessity
 of
this
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 quality,
strict
Correct article usage
a strict
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 lifestyle is a way to
develope
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develop
 personal skills,
wich
Correct your spelling
which
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 are necessary for orientation in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adult life.
However
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, my own opinion is that walls in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 life of an average
human-being
Correct your spelling
human being
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 cause psychological issues,
such
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 as
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of confidence, overthinking and depression. It is obvious that
discipline
Use synonyms
 is an advantage in the modern world, but sterile conditions in which parents put their son or daughter are not exactly the right method to
upbring
Correct your spelling
bring
 them, for the reason that the nature of
discipline
Use synonyms
 is not to do over the human forces, it is to have a comprehension what is a plan and solve it.
For example
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, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
2023 year, when there was a trend to
cult
Add an article
the cult
a cult
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 of success, there was
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 highest level of depression around the world, because
public
Add an article
the public
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 in the race
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
themself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
did their schedule too difficult and
had
Verb problem
were
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 unsatisfaction when they had a fail.
Moreover
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, limitations are the
truly
Change the word
true
show examples
 way to reduce a discovery in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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life, without which growing generations can not adapt to the harsh world.
To sum up
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, people try to kindle
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
discipline
Use synonyms
 in their child using a method of strict rules,
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however
Add a comma
however,
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 it is an
unefficient
Correct your spelling
inefficient
 approach. giving more freedom is a better way to
upbring
Correct your spelling
bring
 a child, which makes
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 problems in
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
mental health.

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task achievement
Work on clearly articulating your main idea in the introduction to ensure that your position is well understood from the start.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to follow a more systematic approach in your paragraphs, linking your ideas more effectively to enhance clarity.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific and relevant examples to support your claims, as this makes your argument stronger.
task achievement
You articulate a clear opinion on the topic, which is important for task achievement.
task achievement
Some well-articulated points on the drawbacks of strict parenting enhance your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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