IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that a car is the best way to travel in cities while others believe a bicycle is a better way to commute. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Some argue that personal
vehicles
Use synonyms
 are the most appropriate means for individuals to commute,
while
Linking Words
 others feel bicycles are the better options. I believe that
although
Linking Words
 cycling is
enviromental-friendly
Replace the word
environmentally friendly
show examples
, private cars offer comfort and convenience.
Body paragraph 1
Travelling by
bicycles
Fix the agreement mistake
bicycle
show examples
 can indeed lower both air pollution and noise pollution, which are the major concerns in the city. Unlike
vehicles
Use synonyms
, bicycles do not emit harmful greenhouse gases and annoying horn noise, which are both detrimental to the environment and human mental well-being.
For instance
Linking Words
, after Japan implemented the regulation of accepting bikes only by entering a specific tourist spot, the
local
Correct quantifier usage
number of local
show examples
 residents who were exposed
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
 air and noise pollution decreased to a mere 3%.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that individuals’
conveniency
Correct your spelling
convenience
 should be prioritized, rather than people’s and
enviromental
Correct your spelling
environmental
 health.
Body paragraph 2
Personal
vehicles
Use synonyms
,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, are more convenient and safe, especially under extreme weather. Commuters who travel for a longer distance
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 cars can avoid
influence
Add an article
the influence
show examples
 of heat, cold, and rain, and
bound
Add a missing verb
are bound
show examples
 for their
destanation
Correct your spelling
destination
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the best
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the faster commute time eventually enhances citizens’ working productivity and
praticality
Correct your spelling
practicality
, contributing to individuals’
overall
Linking Words
wellfare
Correct your spelling
welfare
.
For example
Linking Words
, in Taipei
city
Capitalize word
City
show examples
, over 60% of citizens choose to commute by
automobiles
Fix the agreement mistake
automobile
show examples
 since they can avoid discomfort.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I contend that
vehicles
Use synonyms
 are the best way to travel regardless of various weather conditions.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 cycling is a healthier choice that contributes to the sustainability of the community, I contend that driving a car is the most suitable
ways
Fix the agreement mistake
way
show examples
 for all travellers
as
Change preposition
because of
show examples
 its comfortable and protective functions.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Consider restructuring the essay to improve the flow of arguments, ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
task achievement
Make sure to fully explain your example and how it supports your argument, adding more detail where necessary.
all
Pay attention to spelling and grammatical accuracy to enhance clarity and professionalism.
coherence and cohesion
Provide a clearer thesis statement that outlines your arguments in the introduction to guide the reader.
task achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument clearly, which demonstrates an understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You have included relevant examples to support your points, which is a strong aspect of your writing.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenience
  • speed
  • urban sprawl
  • protection
  • pollution
  • greenhouse gas emissions
  • health and fitness
  • sedentary lifestyles
  • traffic congestion
  • urban mobility
  • infrastructure
  • status symbol
  • prestige
  • luxury
  • comfort
  • security
  • public transport
  • eco-friendly
What to do next:
Look at other essays: