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Writing Samples
Band 5

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Nowadays, the proportion of youngsters is precisely higher than elderly people in some nations,
although
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 there are many benefits as
adults
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 can increase the
overall
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economy
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 of the country
while
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 a few individuals believe that the disadvantages are inescapable.
However
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,
i
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I
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 believe that the pros of
large
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a large
the large
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 number of adult citizens overcome its cons and
this
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 essay will elaborate on the reasons. One of the most significant advantages is the economic prosperity which is driven by youngsters. Many sectors
such
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 as medical science, engineering and
technologies
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technology
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 require energy and consistency which can be easily found in youngsters.
Moreover
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, by working in these sectors,
adults
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 not only boost the
economy
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 but
also
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 bring new innovations in these fields.
For example
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, history shows us that a wide range of inventions and theories were discovered by young researchers.
On the other hand
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, there are some disadvantages. Despite all these benefits excessive number of
adults
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 in the population
also
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 presents some challenges. The central con is an increase in unemployment.
While
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 the middle-agers aid to grow
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
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economy
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 , it can
also
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 result in inclining the unemployment rate.
Additionally
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,
due to
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 high unemployment rates crimes may surge in developing countries.
For instance
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, in countries like
India
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India,
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 the crime rate is about 60% because 70% of middle-agers
as a result
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 risk increases in these nations.
To conclude
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,today, the percentage of
adults
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 in some nations is significantly higher than older individuals and the number is soaring gradually with surging offences. Even with several drawbacks the benefits
such
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 as a growing
economy
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 and innovations outweigh the disadvantages.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly articulate your thesis in the introduction. This will guide the reader throughout your essay.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas and provide more comprehensive explanations for your points to strengthen the overall argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs are well-structured with clear topic sentences and supporting details for better flow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to enhance coherence between sentences and paragraphs, making the essay more readable.
task achievement
You have successfully identified both advantages and disadvantages, which shows a balanced view of the topic.
task achievement
Your examples, although brief, are relevant and illustrate your points effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • proportion
  • age distribution
  • economic opportunities
  • innovation
  • technological advancements
  • productivity
  • burden
  • healthcare
  • retirement
  • pension systems
  • dependency ratio
  • developed countries
  • developing countries
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