IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

dream job. Write a paragraph about your dream job. Start with a main idea that tells what your dream job is. Then, explain why you want this job. Include details about what you would do, where you would work, and who you would work with. You can also say how this job makes you feel. End with a strong closing sentence.

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Being a
police
Use synonyms
 officer was my dream job , and until I retired, I was so proud to serve in Najran
city
Capitalize word
City
show examples
 in Saudi Arabia. In terms of the reason why I chose
this
Linking Words
 career is
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
because I was passionate about helping people feel safe and protecting my community as well. When I worked as a
police
Use synonyms
 officer, I responded to calls for
police
Use synonyms
 service and solved problems and emergencies to keep the peace in our community.
Also
Linking Words
, I worked with wonderful teammates who shared the same desire for peace and justice. Serving as a
police
Use synonyms
 officer in Najran City gave me a good sense of pride in myself. Even though I am retired now, I will forever be proud that I lived my dream and made a difference.

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Coherence and Cohesion
While your introduction clearly states your dream job, it could be improved by providing a more engaging opening sentence that captures the reader's attention.
Coherence and Cohesion
Some sentences could benefit from more fluid transitions to enhance the overall flow of your paragraph. Consider using linking words or phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly.
Task Achievement
Try to include more specific examples of incidents or situations you encountered as a police officer to strengthen your response and make it more relatable to the reader.
Task Achievement
Your conclusion is good, but it could be more impactful by summarizing your key points and reiterating the importance of your dream job more explicitly.
Task Achievement
You expressed a strong sense of pride and passion for your role as a police officer, which adds depth to your response and connects well with your audience.
Coherence and Cohesion
The description of working with teammates who share your values is a nice touch, demonstrating collaboration and shared goals in your career.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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