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Writing Samples
Band 5

The chart below gives information about the number of books rented in a British local library in 2009.

The chart below gives information about the number of books rented in a British local library in 2009.
The diagram illustrates the
number
Use synonyms
 of
books
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 rented in
Malton
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Town
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Library
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 over a period of 12
months
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 in 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
,
books
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 rented in
Correct article usage
the british
show examples
british
Change the capitalization
British
show examples
 local
library
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was remained
Change to the active voice
remained
show examples
 stable between April- July 2009. The
number
Use synonyms
 was relatively fluctuate over the
year
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
books
Use synonyms
 rented at
Malton
Use synonyms
Town
Use synonyms
Library
Use synonyms
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 its peak
at the
Linking Words
end
Use synonyms
 of
survey
Add an article
the survey
show examples
 in December 2009 with 21
books
Use synonyms
 rented.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, in February 2009 the
Use synonyms
people
Correct quantifier usage
number of people
show examples
 who rented the
books
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 from
Malton
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Town
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Library
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 was at the lowest amount throughout the
year
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, with only 6
people
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 who rented the
books
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. In the first month (January),
people
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 who rented
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
books
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 from
Malton
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Town
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Library
Use synonyms
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
stood at 10 and slumped slightly
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 6
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 February.
At march
Correct your spelling
In March
show examples
, the
books
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 rented in a
Malton
Use synonyms
Town
Use synonyms
Library
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was remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 stable.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the
number
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 of
books
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 rented in
Malton
Use synonyms
Town
Use synonyms
Library
Use synonyms
 started to show significant growth and almost doubled than previous month. In the middle of the
year
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 (April-
July)
Add a comma
July),
show examples
 the trend
was remained
Change to the active voice
remained
has remained
show examples
 stable until it
got
Verb problem
apply
show examples
fluctuated again until the
end
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 of the
year
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.
At
Change preposition
In
show examples
 August, the
number
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 of
people
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 who rent the book from
Malton
Use synonyms
Town
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Library
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 increased
5
Change preposition
by 5
show examples
people
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
, dropped again for almost half in September. The
number
Use synonyms
 of
books
Use synonyms
slightly
Add a missing verb
was slightly
show examples
 higher
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 October and dipped again in November.
At the
Linking Words
end
Use synonyms
 of the
year
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, the
number
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 of
people
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 who rent the book from British Local
Library
Use synonyms
was grow
Wrong verb form
grew
show examples
 dramatically and
finally
Linking Words
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 its peak
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 December.
To sum up
Linking Words
, at the first of 3
months
Use synonyms
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
books
Use synonyms
 rented in
Malton
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Town
Use synonyms
Library
Use synonyms
 is relatively lower than
other
Change preposition
in other
show examples
months
Use synonyms
,
following
Wrong verb form
followed
show examples
 by
middle
Correct article usage
the middle
show examples
 of the
months
Use synonyms
 (April-July) the trend
remain
Change the verb form
remains
show examples
 steady, and
finally
Linking Words
at the
Linking Words
end
Use synonyms
 of the
year
Use synonyms
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who rented the
books
Use synonyms
 from
Malton
Use synonyms
Town
Use synonyms
Library
Use synonyms
 started to increase and reached its highest
number
Use synonyms
 in December 2009.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end, finally".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, books, malton, town, library, months, year, end, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuate" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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