IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Although family is a powerful influence on child's life, it is also influenced from outside the home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is clear, that
parents
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 and family have a significant role in a child's life and how they will
procced
Correct your spelling
proceed
show examples
 in their life but, the
influence
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 of
outside
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the outside
show examples
 world and
socity
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society
such
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 as
school
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 and
friends
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 is
also
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 non-negotiable. First of all, every
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kids
Change to a genitive case
kid's
show examples
 first role models are their
parents
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. From the moment that
kids
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 open their eyes to the very moment they go back to
sleep
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sleep,
show examples
 they
persue
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pursue
 their
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parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
show examples
 approval and they tend to copy their
behaviors
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behaviours
show examples
. They want to be like their
parents
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beacuse
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because
 they think they are the coolest
people
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 ever. So, the
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parents
Change noun form
parent's
parents'
show examples
influence
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 on
children
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 who only know
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parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
 and some
reletives
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relatives
 is very clear. But things will change as soon as they have to attend
school
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. Schools have one of the largest impacts on
children
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. Attending
school
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 opens a new door to
kids
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. They get to spend time with other
people
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 their age and they get to learn things that are new to them
such
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 as reading and history. They spend a huge part of
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 lives in
school
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, meeting many
people
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 have
diffrent
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different
back
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apply
show examples
stories and perspectives on various subjects which can
also
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 sometimes change
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 way of
approching
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approaching
 the
diffrent
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different
 subjects. Another great
influence
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 on
children
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are
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is
show examples
 their
friends
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.
Friends
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 are a vest part of
everyones
Correct your spelling
everyone's
 lives
therefore
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 Their
influence
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 is absolute. The reason for
this
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 big
influence
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 is their similarities.
Kids
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 choose
people
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 with similar
intrests
Correct your spelling
interests
 to be
thier
Correct your spelling
their
friends
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. So, even if a parent doesn't approve of their doing, they can always get
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
approval from their
friends
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,
this
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 is
also
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 why the
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parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
show examples
influence
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 gets less and less. in conclusion, even though family plays a big part in forming a child's identity and who they are, the
influence
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 of society and
outside
Add an article
the outside
show examples
 world
such
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 as schools and
friends
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 are more
apprent
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apparent
 in a
persons
Change noun form
person's
show examples
 identity,
therefore
Linking Words
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think
children
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 get more influenced by outside the home rather than families.

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language
Make sure to proofread your essay for spelling errors. For example, 'procced' should be 'proceed' and 'reletives' should be 'relatives'. These small mistakes can impact clarity.
content
Consider developing your ideas further by providing more specific examples. For instance, you might mention specific lessons learned in school or experiences with friends that illustrate your points better.
language
Aim for more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance the flow of your essay. This will help you achieve a higher score in coherence and cohesion.
content
The essay clearly states the role of both family and external influences, which is a good starting point for addressing the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • upbringing
  • norms
  • emotional support
  • peer groups
  • social development
  • identity formation
  • intellectual growth
  • value system
  • perceptions
  • worldview
  • cultural assimilation
  • societal expectations
  • extracurricular activities
  • self-esteem
  • negative influences
  • well-rounded
  • external factors
What to do next:
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