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Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Overweight Adult Population in Four Different Countries in 1980, 1990, and 2000

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The bar graph below illustrates the data about the
proportion
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 of the young population who were obese in four
various
Correct word choice
apply
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countries between 1980 and 2000
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clearly seen that
All
Fix capitalization
all
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 different countries experienced
significantly grew
Replace the word
significant growth
 over the
period
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with
Punctuation problem
, with
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 the exception of
Japan
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,which remained more or less the same.
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USA
Correct article usage
The USA
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 had the highest
proportion
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 over the
period
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,
while
Linking Words
Japan
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 had a slight increase Regarding
to
Correct determiner usage
the
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USA
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 and
Australia
Punctuation problem
Australia,
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 both countries had
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
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 increase over the
period
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.The
proportion
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 of
obese
Correct article usage
the obese
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 in
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 stood at approximately 15% in 1980, grew sharply to 35% in 2000.
Similary
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Similarly
, the
Australia
Correct word choice
Australian
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 rose approximately from 5% in 1980 to 20% in 2000. Regarding
to
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apply
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Japan
Use synonyms
 and Finland , the number of obese
proportion
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 were lower than
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USA
Change preposition
in the USA
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 and Australia. Finland had slight rose from 5% in 1980 to 15% percent in 2000.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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Japan
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 remains more or less the same over the
period
Use synonyms
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 rose 2% in 1980 to 4% in 2000

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task response
For task response, use the right group in your first line. Your topic says overweight adults, but your essay says young people and obese. This hurts accuracy.
task response
For task response, give a clear overview with the main trends only. Say which country was highest, which was lowest, and which changed the most.
task response
For task response, compare all four countries more clearly. You mention each one, but some comparisons are short.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, use a simple 4-part plan: intro, overview, body 1, body 2. This will make your ideas easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, link ideas with simple words like while, by contrast, also, and over the period. Do not use too many repeated starters like regarding to.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, check sentence form and word order. Some lines are hard to follow, so your meaning is not always clear.
task response
For task response, you included all four countries and all three years.
task response
For task response, you gave some key numbers, such as the USA rising from about 15% to 35%.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has an intro, an overview, and two body parts.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, the order is mostly clear: you group USA with Australia, and Japan with Finland.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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