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Writing Samples
Band 3

Overweight Adult Population in Four Different Countries in 1980, 1990, and 2000

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The supplied bar chart indicates the modification in the proportion of corpulent adults in 4 different countries during 1980, 1990 and 2000. Looking
from an
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at the
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overall
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 structure, it is readily apparent that the USA had the highest proportion of obese adults throughout the period,
whereas
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 Japan recorded the lowest figure. Figures increased substantially in the given years. Looking at Finland and Australia, approximately 6% of
Finnish
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Finns
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 and Australians were obese in 1980. By the end of the period, the percentage of
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 in Finland had merely doubled,
while
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 the proportion of obese Australians nearly tripled about 20%.
Therefore
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, the rate of increase in Australia was much higher than
Finland
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in Finland
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. Looking at the details, the overweight adults in the USA witnessed the highest rate in each given year.
This
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 percentage rocketed from 15% to 30 % in 2000.
In contrast
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, the rate of corpulent people in Japan in 2000
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 accounted for almost 4
%
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%,
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was only 1% higher than the rest of the years.

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task response
Task response: You cover the main trend, but some key data are not fully compared. Add more clear points for all four countries.
task response
Task response: Be careful with words like overweight, obese, and corpulent. Use one term in a clear and correct way.
task response
Task response: Some numbers are not exact or are not well explained. Give the data in a more direct way.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a clear start and body paragraphs, which is good. But the links between ideas can be smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some sentences are hard to follow. Use shorter sentences and simple link words like while, by contrast, and overall.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The last sentence is long and a bit confusing. Split long ideas into two clear sentences.
task response
Task response: You identify the main overall trend and the highest and lowest country clearly.
task response
Task response: You include data from different years to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay is grouped into clear parts, with an introduction and two body paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: You use some linking words such as whereas, while, and in contrast.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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