IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1.5

Overweight Adult Population in Four Different Countries in 1980, 1990, and 2000

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the bar shows
that
Correct word choice
apply
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the ratio of obese
people
Use synonyms
 in 4 various regions from 1980 to 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, one striking feature is that the lowest rate of
curpulant
Correct your spelling
corpulent
turbulent
 adults
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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lived in Japan,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 highest rate of obese
people
Use synonyms
 were
accomadated
Correct your spelling
accommodated
 in the USA. focusing on
finland
Change the capitalization
Finland
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 and Australia, despite
of
Change preposition
apply
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the proportion of overweight
people
Use synonyms
were
Wrong verb form
being
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 approximately the same between 5 and 10
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 in 1980, during 20 years
finnish
Correct your spelling
finish
 had almost doubled
while
Linking Words
 Australians nearly tripled,
amounted
Wrong verb form
amounting
show examples
 to approximately 22%. looking at Japan and the USA the percentage of
curpulant
Correct your spelling
corpulent
americans
Change the capitalization
Americans
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, it is obvious that The USA had the highest percentage for each
years
Change to a singular noun
year
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. the rate of obese
people
Use synonyms
equal
Add a missing verb
is equal
show examples
 to 15 % but it increased twice more.
however
Linking Words
 amount of overweight Japanese
increase
Replace the word
increased
show examples
only
Change preposition
by only
show examples
 1 or 3 %.

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task achievement
Provide a clearer overview in the introduction that summarizes main trends without detailing specific data right away.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure correct spelling and grammar; for instance, use 'corpulent' instead of 'curpulant' and 'accommodated' instead of 'accomadated'.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking phrases to enhance the connection between your ideas, which can improve the flow of information.
task achievement
Consider including a conclusion that sums up your observations or reflects on the data presented.
task achievement
You provide a comparison of countries, which is relevant to the task and shows an understanding of the data trends.
coherence and cohesion
You attempt to highlight significant differences in obesity rates, showing an analytical approach to the provided data.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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