IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Overweight Adult Population in Four Different Countries in 1980, 1990, and 2000

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The bar chart illustrates
that
Correct word choice
apply
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the variations
the
Change preposition
in the
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 number of corpulent
of
Check wording
individuals of
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 four diverse religions
during given three
Correct word order
over the three given
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 years .
Overall
Linking Words
,it is clearly seen that all of
regions
Correct article usage
the regions
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 experienced were incerease,apart from Japan. İn initial period
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
Japan
was
Verb problem
had
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 the lowest indication
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
another
Correct determiner usage
the other
show examples
 three countries
wasthe
Verb problem
had the
show examples
 highest indication.When in the ultimate
period
Punctuation problem
period,
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 the USA was the most preferred.

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task response
Write what the chart shows in a clear way. Say it is about overweight adults in four countries in 1980, 1990, and 2000.
task response
Give the main trend in the overview. For example, say most countries went up, but Japan stayed low.
task response
Add key data from the chart. Use some numbers to support your points.
task response
Use correct words for the topic. Do not say 'religions' or 'preferred'. Say 'countries' and 'had the highest rate'.
coherence and cohesion
Make your sentences easier to follow. Start with an introduction, then an overview, then details.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like 'while', 'in contrast', 'by 2000', and 'overall'.
coherence and cohesion
Check word order and grammar, because some parts are hard to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Compare countries clearly. Put similar countries in one group and Japan in another group.
task response
You tried to give an overview, which is very important in Task 1.
task response
You noticed that Japan was different from the other countries.
coherence and cohesion
You used words like 'overall' and time phrases, which help the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your answer has a basic intro and overview shape.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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