IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Nowadays, there is a growing tendency that many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists from other regions of the country and from abroad. It seems that they’re less attractive for local dwellers. Why is this the case? What can be done to attract local people? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Well, in
this
Linking Words
 modern era, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 are forgetting their history so
museums
Use synonyms
 are the pillar of every nation's history. So,
instead
Linking Words
 of foreigners, local individuals are less interested
to go
Change preposition
in going
show examples
 over there.
Therefore
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will share
you
Change preposition
with you
show examples
 the reasons
amd
Correct your spelling
and
 the solutions
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Firstly
Linking Words
, Nowadays
museums
Use synonyms
 are very crucial because here
people
Use synonyms
 can easily gain the knowledge of their past but most of the local
people
Use synonyms
 do not go over there because the fares of the museum
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 expensive for them
instead
Linking Words
 of other countries individuals. So, they do not go over there.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
instead
Linking Words
 of going over
there
Add a comma
there,
show examples
 they get the knowledge of their history from
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 elders so they think going over there is
Correct article usage
a wastage
show examples
wastage
Replace the word
waste
show examples
 of money which is the reason they do not go
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
museums
Use synonyms
. Here
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 the
solution's
Change noun form
solutions
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 these problems,
Firstly
Linking Words
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should decrease the price of
museums
Use synonyms
 for locals because with
this
Linking Words
 they will go there without any tension of high
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 which help them to gain more knowledge.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should organize
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 campaign in which they know that they can get all the information
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 their past
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 their elders do not know so these are the solutions for these problems. In conclusion,
museums
Use synonyms
 are
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 where
people
Use synonyms
 can easily learn about their past but
due to
Linking Words
 high prices
local
Fix the agreement mistake
locals
show examples
 do not go over there.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should apply these solutions which
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 discuss in
second
Change the article
the second
show examples
 paragraph.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Consider expanding your introduction to clearly outline the main points you will discuss in the essay. This will help set up the reader's expectations.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider variety of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your ideas. This will enhance coherence throughout the essay.
task achievement
Ensure that your arguments are supported by more specific examples or details to strengthen your points. For instance, mention specific events, campaigns, or historical contexts rather than general statements.
task achievement
Check your grammar and vocabulary as there are some minor inaccuracies that slightly impede clarity. For example, 'the fares of the museum is too expensive' should be corrected to 'the fares of the museum are too expensive'.
task achievement
You addressed the task by identifying both reasons for local people's lack of interest in museums and potential solutions to the issue, which is a strong aspect of your response.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion succinctly restates your main point, reinforcing the argument you presented in your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • growing tendency
  • historical sites
  • tourist attraction
  • unchanging
  • static
  • emphasis
  • international tourism
  • welcoming
  • relevant
  • marketing efforts
  • alienating
  • engagement
  • cater
  • cultural heritage
  • discounts
  • free admission
  • educational programs
  • interactive
  • tech-savvy
  • collaborate
  • preservation
  • heritage
What to do next:
Look at other essays: