IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts show the main reasons for migration to and from the Australia in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts show the main reasons for migration to and from the Australia in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The pie charts compare
immigration
Use synonyms
 and
emigration
Use synonyms
 to and from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Australia
Use synonyms
 in 2010. The graphs show
also
Linking Words
 the main causes of the migration processes – definite jobs, looking for
Use synonyms
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
, formal study,
accompany
Wrong verb form
accompanying
show examples
/
join
Wrong verb form
joining
show examples
, and others.
Overall
Linking Words
, the highest percentage of migration is
due to
Linking Words
 definite jobs, both for
emigration
Use synonyms
 and
immigration
Use synonyms
.
Similary
Correct your spelling
Similarly
, accompany/join has roughly the same percentage in both charts.
Instead
Linking Words
, looking for
Use synonyms
job
Add an article
a job
show examples
, formal study, and others have completely different figures in the two categories. 38% of
immigration
Use synonyms
 to
Australia
Use synonyms
 in 2010
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 related to definite jobs, which is almost the same for the
emigration
Use synonyms
 process (37%). Another similar figure shared by
immigration
Use synonyms
 and
emigration
Use synonyms
 is achieved for accompany/join, amounting to 17% of immigrated and 16% of emigrated. Just 10% of
immigrated
Replace the word
immigrants
show examples
decide
Wrong verb form
decided
show examples
 to move to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Australia
Use synonyms
 to look for a
job
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 double emigrated
change
Wrong verb form
changed
show examples
Add an article
the country
show examples
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 to find a
job
Use synonyms
 (20%) in 2010. It seems that a lot of people who
come
Wrong verb form
came
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Australia
Use synonyms
 in 2010 want to study,
infact
Correct your spelling
in fact
this
Linking Words
 percentage is equal to 22%.
Whereas
Linking Words
 the same figure is just 6% for emigrated.
Finally
Linking Words
, there is the “other” category, which is 13% in the
immigration
Use synonyms
 process in 2010,
while
Linking Words
 it is 21% for the
emigration
Use synonyms
 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Australia
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 86%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words immigration, emigration, australia, job with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: