IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zealand between 1901 and 2101. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zealand between 1901 and 2101. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The line graph illustrates the shift
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
birth
Use synonyms
 and
death
Use synonyms
 numbers in New Zealand over a 200
year-period
Correct your spelling
year period
show examples
. It is obvious that
Use synonyms
birth
Correct article usage
the birth
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
 has a
drastical
Correct your spelling
drastic
 increase in number and fluctuated in 2041. In 1901, the
birth
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 started at 20000 and it rose up
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the highest recorded year of
birth
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 at slightly below 70000 in 1961.
Then
Linking Words
 in 1981, the numbers decreased to 50000. Both
birth
Use synonyms
 and
death
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
 had the same
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
 in 2041 at below 50000.
Use synonyms
Birth
Correct article usage
The birth
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
 decreased
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
and it was seen that
Use synonyms
death
Correct article usage
the death
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
 increased.
Use synonyms
Birth
Add an article
The birth
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
 ended
just
Change preposition
at just
show examples
 over 40000.
To begin
Linking Words
 with
Use synonyms
Death
Correct article usage
the Death
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
 it is clearly displayed that the figures
flactuated
Correct your spelling
fluctuated
fluctuate
. It started slightly below 10000 and finished at approximately around 55000. In
contract
Correct your spelling
contrast
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, it is
showed
Wrong verb form
shown
show examples
 that
Use synonyms
death
Correct article usage
the death
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
 has the highest number in 2101. In 2021,
Use synonyms
death
Correct article usage
the death
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
 started increasing and surpassed
Correct article usage
the birthrate
show examples
birthrate
Correct your spelling
birth rate
show examples
.
Also
Linking Words
, in 1921 there was
abit
Correct your spelling
a bit
 of a rise.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words birth, death, rate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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