IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think children have the freedom to make mistakes, while other people believe that adults should prevent children from making mistakes. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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Some individuals believe that children can be free to make
mistakes
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 because it is a normal process
for
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of
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 learning,
while
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 others argue that parents have responsibilities to prevent them from causing
mistakes
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. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both views and explain why I believe making
mistakes
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 is essential for childhood and adolescence. On one hand, some people assert that youngsters can learn from
mistakes
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 because they can enhance
experiences
Correct pronoun usage
their experiences
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 when they deal with the
mistakes
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 they
done
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did
have done
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. People
start
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started
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 to explore
this
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 world when they
was
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were
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 kids, so it is important to allow them
try
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to try
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everythings
Correct your spelling
everything
 by themselves. Even though some errors might appear, parents can teach them how to solve the problems they face.
For example
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, some
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 play in parks and hurt someone else mindlessly.
This
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 situation is difficult to avoid;
Therefore
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, appropriate parenting is
teach
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to teach
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 them to make an apology.
As a result
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, they can acquire problem-solving skills and be more
socialization
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social
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.
On the other hand
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, adults should prevent the young generation from making
mistake
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mistakes
show examples
due to
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 responsibility. As individuals decide to become
a
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apply
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parent
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parents
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, they should teach them to be
a
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apply
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socialized
human
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humans
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.
For example
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, when a mother or father can help their kids
to
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apply
show examples
review before tests, it will definitely keep them from cheating.
Consequently
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, outstanding upbringing and
custom
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customs
show examples
 can contribute to legal
behaviors
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behaviours
show examples
.
However
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,
sometime
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sometimes
show examples
 both youngsters and adults might feel
stressful
Replace the word
stressed
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 because it is hard to become a perfect and flawless person. In conclusion,
freedom
Correct article usage
the freedom
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 to make some errors can offer young generations
a
Correct article usage
the
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 skill of dealing
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with problem
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problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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,
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also
Correct word choice
and also
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learn
Wrong verb form
learning
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 more from
the
Change the word
their
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mistakes
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.
In contrast
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,
keep
Verb problem
apply
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preventing
to make
Change the verb form
making
show examples
an errors
Correct the article-noun agreement
errors
an error
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 is impossible for a human. In my opinion, allowing them
pose
Verb problem
to make
show examples
mistakes
Use synonyms
 is advantageous for their future.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use clearer and more logical organization in your paragraphs. Each paragraph should clearly relate to the main topic and flow into the next.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples that illustrate your points clearly and in detail, which will enhance clarity and strengthen your arguments.
structure
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which are essential components of essay writing.
task response
Your discussion of both perspectives shows a good understanding of the topic and demonstrates an ability to engage with different viewpoints.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • freedom to make mistakes
  • critical thinking skills
  • lifelong learning
  • guided learning environment
  • resilience
  • independence
  • overprotective
  • dependency
  • problem-solving skills
  • confidence
  • negative consequences
  • learning process
  • personal growth
  • trial and error
  • balance safety and learning
  • development
  • support and guidance
  • empowerment
  • risk-taking
  • life lessons
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