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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart and graphs below give information about participants who have entered the olympics sinnse it began

The chart and graphs below give information about participants who have entered the olympics sinnse it began
The lien and
bire
Correct your spelling
birth
 chart
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
 information about the figure of
people
Use synonyms
 who
goined
Correct your spelling
joined
 the
olypics
Correct your spelling
Olympics
 since
it
Change the pronoun
its
show examples
start
Change the verb form
starts
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
,it is clear from the graph that
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of participants grossed around the time.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 got the smallest
number
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
 participated in one of the years.
To begin
Linking Words
withe
Correct your spelling
with
show examples
 in 1924 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
how
Correct word choice
who
show examples
gone
Wrong verb form
went
show examples
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
olympics
Change the capitalization
Olympics
show examples
, was around 3500
people
Use synonyms
.
mens
Correct your spelling
men
show examples
reprecanet
Correct your spelling
represent
 around 90% of
this
Linking Words
number
Use synonyms
on the other hand
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 got 10% in the same
year
Use synonyms
 which is the
loeest
Correct your spelling
lowest
number
Use synonyms
 of
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
all period. In the
year
Use synonyms
of in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2012
Add a comma
2012,
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Correct quantifier usage
number of people
show examples
 who entered the competition was above 10000.
Male
Fix the agreement mistake
Males
show examples
 got in
this
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
silghtly
Correct your spelling
slightly
 under 6000,
Neveretheless
Correct your spelling
Nevertheless
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 had a sharp increase
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
till they
peake
Correct your spelling
peak
 about 44000.
Bteween
Correct your spelling
Between
 1952 and 1984 there was
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
 gap between the participants males and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
.In
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
1952 the
diffrince
Correct your spelling
difference
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the figure of
people
Use synonyms
 was around 4000
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
men. but in the
year
Use synonyms
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
number
Use synonyms
drop
Wrong verb form
dropped
show examples
 because, the rate of
women
Use synonyms
how
Correct word choice
who
show examples
 entered the
olympics
Change the capitalization
Olympics
show examples
was grow
Wrong verb form
grew
show examples
around
Change preposition
to around
show examples
 1000
people
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, number, women, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 5 times.
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