IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In developing countries, rural children have less access to education.some people say that this problem is solved bquestoiy providing teachers and schools. Other think that computer and internet should be provided. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is absolutely right a proper
education
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 is yet out of reach for the
pupil
Fix the agreement mistake
pupils
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 born in rural parts of well-being countries.
While
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 a
little
Correct quantifier usage
few
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 people propose the provision of computers and
Internet
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 connection. So, In my own view, the latter seems far more beneficial sides. On the one hand, schools and
teachers
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 are still fundamental to the subjects of making
education
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 accessible to countryside pupils. So
firstly
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, schools serve a number of purposes other than providing places for classes.
Secondly
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,
due to
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 poor
acces
Correct your spelling
access
 to a systematic and forever
education
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 in the first place,
students
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 in remote areas are unlikely to study by themselves effectively. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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other
words
Add a comma
words,
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teachers
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 are required in the process
learning
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of learning
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owing to
Verb problem
because
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 they
could
Verb problem
apply
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acknowledge these
students
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 have a lot of deficiencies and some issues and they need help
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to trustworthy their problems by repeating the same explanation,giving suitable exercises or even
teachers
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then
Linking Words
 face to face.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I strongly believe there are good reasons to supply these village
students
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 need
modern
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for modern
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 computers and
Internet
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 connection. The first reason is that these devices enable the children to pursue study programmes despite the fact that these
students
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 live in distant areas.
Additionally
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,
for instance
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, rural
students
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 can use the computer and the
Internet
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 to participate in free lessons or webinars from universities or work
wt
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with
 the
teachers
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 through emails.
This
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 idea would seem more feasible than sending
best
Correct article usage
the best
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 tutors  to remote regions to teach . There are many computer programmes which contain a comprehensive course of self-study nowadays
,
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apply
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so that the pupil can use these software applications without travelling out of their hometowns. In conclusion,
as
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apply
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humans have their personal views
in
Change preposition
on
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 how to provide
education
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 for countryside
students
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. I think that modern computers and
Use synonyms
Internet
Correct article usage
an Internet
show examples
 connection would offer a far more plausible solution for the both of reasons mentioned.

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task achievement
Expand on your ideas more clearly and provide more support for your points. For example, you can elaborate on how access to computers can revolutionize learning for rural children.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your ideas. Ensure each paragraph connects smoothly to the next, with clear topic sentences and linking words to guide the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing (like 'the pupil born in rural parts of well-being countries') to enhance clarity in your writing.
task achievement
You presented a clear opinion and discussed both sides of the argument, which is crucial for this type of essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an identifiable structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it generally easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • educational infrastructure
  • face-to-face instruction
  • qualified teachers
  • digital education
  • e-learning
  • internet access
  • flexible curriculum
  • isolated areas
  • practical challenges
  • cost and logistics
  • maintaining schools
  • digital infrastructure
  • hybrid approach
  • blended learning environment
What to do next:
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