IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

1.Adults today do not do enough exercise. Some people believe that showing major sports events like the Olympics or the Football World Cup on television encourages people to exercise. Others argue that there are better ways to encourage adults to move more. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Adults
Use synonyms
 today do not have to do
exercise
Use synonyms
 or at least do less
exercise
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 their
lifestayle
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
,
While
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that showing major sports events like the Olympics
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
encourages
people
Use synonyms
 to do
exersics
Correct your spelling
exercises
exercise
.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the opposite
side
Add a comma
side,
show examples
 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe there are better methods to encourage
adults
Use synonyms
 to do
exercise
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both views and support my essay
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 details and
exaples
Correct your spelling
examples
then
Linking Words
 I will give my opinion.
To
Change preposition
In
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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begin
Replace the word
beginning
show examples
,
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with, Adults
show examples
Adults
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 do not have
time
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 to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
exercise
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 because they have many factors
prevent
Correct pronoun usage
that prevent
show examples
 them
to do
Change preposition
from doing
show examples
exercise
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as they have many responsible in their life especially if they work,
married
Add a missing verb
are married
show examples
, have children and look after to whom
sibings
Correct your spelling
siblings
. They will concentrate on their family or improve their skills
instead
Linking Words
 of
waste
Change the form of the verb
wasting
show examples
 their
time
Use synonyms
 to do
exercise
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.
Additinally
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, They might not have
time
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 to do
exercise
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due to
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 they have
busy
Add an article
a busy
show examples
schedule
Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
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 or do not have
energy
Change the article
the energy
show examples
 to do
exercise
Use synonyms
 .
For example
Linking Words
, They work from 7 Am to 2 pm
then
Linking Words
 they come back
at
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apply
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home without ambition, energy and
determind
Correct your spelling
determined
determine
.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand, There
many
Add a missing verb
are many
show examples
 ways to encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
exercise
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
make
Verb problem
giving
show examples
 a discount if they
first
Add a missing verb
are first
show examples
time
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 subscraible in the gym or
educate
Wrong verb form
educating
show examples
people
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 about
Correct article usage
the consquences
show examples
consquences
Correct your spelling
consequences
 if they do not
to do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
exercise
Use synonyms
.
Morover
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, They create a competitive environment to encourage
people
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 to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
exercise
Use synonyms
. For
intrance
Correct your spelling
instance
entrance
, They can make
offer
Add an article
an offer
show examples
 for
adults
Use synonyms
 which
80
Add a missing verb
is 80
show examples
 percent if you
first
Add a missing verb
are first
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 subscraible in the gym
incloud
Correct your spelling
including
 healthy food and someone help how to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
exercise
Use synonyms
. They will encourage
people
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 to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
exercise
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, My opinion is does not
work
Verb problem
apply
show examples
just
watching
Change the verb form
to watch
show examples
 online programmes to
encourages
Wrong verb form
encourage
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
exercise
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
While
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
we have better ways to encourage
people
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of watching online programmes.

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coherence and cohesion
Check for run-on sentences and improve sentence structure to enhance clarity.
task achievement
Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your points.
task achievement
Clarify your opinion in the conclusion for a stronger impact.
task achievement
You have made a commendable attempt to discuss both views of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction sets the stage for the essay appropriately.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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