IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people opine that cinema will eventually lose its appeal to mass people and very few people will go to cinema halls. Do you agree or disagree with this view?

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It is considered that filmhouses would gradually lose customers and it is predicted that watching
movies
Use synonyms
 at home would quickly become the order of the day. Undoubtedly,
while
Linking Words
 watching
movies
Use synonyms
 at movie
theaters
Change the spelling
theatres
show examples
 are fascinating and captivating,I am of the opinion that
due to
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 the advancements in technology,movie
houses
Use synonyms
 will soon become
out-dated
Correct your spelling
outdated
show examples
 because
people
Use synonyms
 will rather watch shows from the comfort of their
homes
Use synonyms
 and save
money
Use synonyms
 for other leisure activities.
Play
Correct your spelling
Playhouses
show examples
houses
Use synonyms
 would soon be replaced because of the rise of a plethora of
many
Correct word choice
apply
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streaming apps
such
Linking Words
 as Netflix, Disney+,Amazon Prime and many more.
This
Linking Words
 provides the possibility of rewinding, pausing, playing and in general watching
movies
Use synonyms
 at one's convenience. Most families would rather watch shows from their
homes
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 the development of having cinematic experiences at home via
in built
Add a hyphen
in-built
show examples
 cinemas in modern
houses
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 consisting of large TV screens and good sound systems.
This
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 provides an avenue for loved ones to bond with each other more.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who are claustrophobic would rather spend time at home and avoid crowded cinema halls. Long queues and traffic congestion would
also
Linking Words
 be greatly reduced. Movie tickets are so expensive nowadays.
People
Use synonyms
 would rather save
money
Use synonyms
 by enjoying
movies
Use synonyms
 at their
homes
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 and spend
money
Use synonyms
 on other leisure activities
such
Linking Words
 as playing football,
wimming
Correct your spelling
swimming
,shopping,going on walks,baking and many more.
In addition
Linking Words
,because of the effect of the
COVID 19
Add a hyphen
COVID-19
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 pandemic, lots of individuals got habituated to viewing
movies
Use synonyms
 at their
houses
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
theater
Change the spelling
theatre
show examples
houses
Use synonyms
 will quickly fade away because
people
Use synonyms
 will rather enjoy shows from the comfort of their
homes
Use synonyms
,keep
Use synonyms
money
Add an article
the money
show examples
 for other activities and avoid unnecessary parking problems.

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task achievement
Write a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to explicitly state your position.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Provide more concrete examples or statistics to support your points about streaming services and movie ticket prices.
positive
The essay presents a clear opinion on the topic and is well structured overall.
positive
The use of modern examples like streaming services is relevant and enhances your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • streaming services
  • consumer behavior
  • entertainment consumption
  • communal experience
  • cinematic immersion
  • cultural touchstone
  • alternative viewing formats
  • technological innovation
  • audience engagement
  • film industry trends
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