IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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It is argued that many dangerous
sports
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 should have been banned by governments.
However
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, some
people
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 say they have an appropriate right to do any
sports
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 and activities. In
this
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 essay, I will explain both advantages and disadvantages,
following
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this
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 statement. In many countries, governments have to limit and ban some kinds of violent
sports
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such
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 as racing, boxing, fighting, martial arts, and so on.
This
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 is because some
people
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 try to copy and play without suitable equipment and knowledgeable regulations.
Furthermore
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, these cause a lot of damage including accidents, crimes, and fatalities.
For example
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, young teenagers do car racing on public roads, which is illegal, and sometimes they crash into other vehicles. The results are a high number of deaths and accidents.
Nevertheless
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,
people
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 still have the freedom to do any activities but they have to follow the regulations and the government should provide the necessary knowledge and information to prevent any high problems.
Moreover
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, providing the experts in order to teach
people
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 how to play and building proper facilities are essential to reduce the number of illegal situations.
For instance
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, the Ministry of
Sports
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 in Thailand constructed a motorcycle stadium so as to encourage many young
people
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 to use and ride with protective gadgets.
As a result
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 of
this
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 solution, they reduce the number of car accidents in public spaces. In conclusion, I think everyone has a full human right to do any
sports
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.
However
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, governments have to control some specific activities that do not have policies and laws to support but they should
also
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 give advice to make
people
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 more knowledgeable and create beneficial infrastructure to reduce hazardous incidents.

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task achievement
Work on clearly outlining your arguments in separate paragraphs. Each point could be elaborated further for clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures to improve flow and keep the reader engaged.
task achievement
Ensure that every point you make contributes directly to your overall argument or opinion.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view on the topic, discussing both sides effectively.
task achievement
Relevant examples, such as car racing and the motorcycle stadium, add depth to the argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • severe injuries
  • fatalities
  • base jumping
  • bull running
  • extreme skiing
  • safeguard
  • well-being
  • regulating
  • avoidable harm
  • healthcare costs
  • burdening
  • personal freedom
  • autonomy
  • training
  • equipment
  • mitigated
  • personal satisfaction
  • mental health benefits
  • resilience
  • adventure
  • assess risks
  • public safety
  • unnecessary healthcare costs
  • outright bans
  • balanced approach
  • stringent safety standards
  • mandatory training sessions
  • adequately informed
  • safeguarding
  • public health
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