IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar chart illustrates the percentage of how parents in a country spent time taking care their children in the evening in 2022. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart illustrates the percentage of how parents in a country spent time taking care their children in the evening in 2022. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart presents the amount of
time
Use synonyms
mothers
Use synonyms
,
fathers
Use synonyms
, and
both
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 together spent on four evening
activities
Use synonyms
 with their
children
Use synonyms
 in
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
2022.
Overall
Linking Words
, dressing and
doind
Correct your spelling
doing
 homework were the most common among
mothers
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
both
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 preferred playing games and preparing for bed
together with
Linking Words
 their
children
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the amount of
time
Use synonyms
mothers
Use synonyms
 engaged with their
children
Use synonyms
 was significantly higher than that of
fathers
Use synonyms
 in all
activities
Use synonyms
. In terms of dressing,
mothers
Use synonyms
 spent over 70% of their
time
Use synonyms
 on
this
Linking Words
activity
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
fathers
Use synonyms
 participated nearly 0%.
Both
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 together spent just over 20% on
this
Linking Words
activity
Use synonyms
, making it the least popular
activity
Use synonyms
.
The
Correct article usage
A
show examples
 similar trend of doing homework was observed, approximately 50% of
mothers
Use synonyms
'
time
Use synonyms
 was consumed by
this
Linking Words
activity
Use synonyms
, followed by nearly 40% from
both
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
parents group
Fix the agreement mistake
parent groups
show examples
 and only 10% from
fathers
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the most common
activities
Use synonyms
fathers
Use synonyms
 and
mothers
Use synonyms
 engaged
together with
Linking Words
 their
children
Use synonyms
 were playing games and preparing food, with the former accounting for 70% and the latter comprising 50%. The percentage of
time
Use synonyms
mothers
Use synonyms
 spent on these
activities
Use synonyms
 remained relatively high compared to that of
fathers
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile,
mothers
Use synonyms
 spent around 25% and more than 40% on playing games and preparing for bes respectively,
fathers
Use synonyms
 spent approximately 5% on
both
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "together with".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words time, mothers, fathers, both, parents, activities, children, activity with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • bar chart
  • Percentage
  • Parents
  • Spent time
  • Taking care
  • Children
  • Evening
  • 2022
  • Summarise
  • Information
  • Main features
  • Comparisons
  • Relevant
  • Patterns
  • Trends
  • Highest
  • Lowest
  • Activities
  • Gender
  • Conclusion
  • Findings
What to do next:
Look at other essays: