IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think children should learn to paint and draw at school. Others believe it is just a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the modern day, there is the opinion that
children
Use synonyms
 should learn multiple skills at
school
Use synonyms
, and one of those is to paint and draw. The discussion about
this
Linking Words
 topic is largely discussed in the scholastic world; in fact, the pros and cons of these are many. I believe that studying subjects like art is a benefit for kids.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the advantage of learning to paint and draw is to create artistic thinking in the new brains;
for example
Linking Words
, the painting something that adults cannot imagine
children
Use synonyms
 are more
to
Correct word choice
likely to
show examples
 use that kind of imagination; so, it is important that
children
Use synonyms
 have to paint to create a new world which no one can think.
This
Linking Words
 process starts in
school
Use synonyms
 with art, and it is followed into everyday life. Another benefit of doing
this
Linking Words
 is to help all the
children
Use synonyms
 to express themself differently
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it is a stimulus to use their imagination.
In addition
Linking Words
, painting uses a part of the brain that helps to grow correctly.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, some people believe that learning
this
Linking Words
 kind of
subject
Use synonyms
 at
school
Use synonyms
 is only a waste of time
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
children
Use synonyms
 are not focused on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
useful
subject
Use synonyms
,
for example
Linking Words
, maths or languages. They want to increase the hours of these by cancelling the hours of arts. Indeed, the more time spent on
this
Linking Words
 useful
subject
Use synonyms
 more they learn, and
then
Linking Words
 it could be used later in life.
Then
Linking Words
, they could do arts when they are adults or teenagers.
To sum up
Linking Words
, painting and drawing at
school
Use synonyms
is divided
Change the verb form
has divided
show examples
 the opinions of people,
however
Linking Words
, there are more advantages than disadvantages,
due to
Linking Words
 art being a part of common life and of humankind.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is impossible to eliminate
this
Linking Words
subject
Use synonyms
 when the brains of young people are growing.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Consider improving the logical flow of your ideas by clearly linking your points. Transitional phrases can help guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.
task achievement
Make sure to clearly define the pros and cons in distinct paragraphs to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Use specific examples or anecdotes to illustrate your points about the benefits of art education, as this will strengthen your argument and provide clarity.
positive
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, making your position clear from the beginning.
positive
You've presented arguments on both sides of the debate, demonstrating a balanced understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • creativity
  • imagination
  • personal expression
  • emotional release
  • overall development
  • fine motor skills
  • hand-eye coordination
  • academic performance
  • STEM fields
  • well-rounded
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving
  • innovation
  • arts education
What to do next:
Look at other essays: