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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The line graph shows the number of first time visitors and returning visitors who visited Cary island from 2000 to 2008

The line graph shows the number of first time visitors and returning visitors who visited Cary island from 2000 to 2008
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The line graph illustrates the figure of people who visited Cary island over a period of 8 years, from 2000
tp
Correct your spelling
to
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 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
,it
evident
Add a missing verb
is evident
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 that the
number
Use synonyms
 of visitors increased dramatically over
a
Correct article usage
the
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 period shown.
To begin
Linking Words
 with
detailed
Correct article usage
a detailed
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 analysis, in 2000, there
was
Change the verb form
were
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 8,000
of
Change preposition
apply
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individuals visiting Cary island,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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this
Linking Words
number
Use synonyms
 fell
down
Change preposition
apply
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by half in 2002. After that,between 2002 and 2008 the
number
Use synonyms
 once again
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
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 significantly to reaching
at
Change preposition
apply
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nearly 12,000
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of
decade
Correct article usage
the decade
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given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of returning visitors was
initially
Linking Words
 only 3,000,
then
Linking Words
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
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 sharply to 10,000 in 2002. The figure
remained
Verb problem
apply
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rose to reaching around 13,000 in 2006,
while
Linking Words
 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 three years, the percentage of people returning went down to just under 14,000.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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