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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table and pie charts depict the figures of national and international, female and male students conducting researches in Australian universities in 2001 and 2010

The table and pie charts depict the figures of national and international, female and male students conducting researches in Australian universities in 2001 and 2010
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The
pie
Use synonyms
 charts above
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
 the
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
 about local and international
males
Fix the agreement mistake
male
show examples
 and
females
Change the noun form
female
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 doing
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 Australine
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
show examples
 in
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
 2001 and 2010, The units
Add a missing verb
were measuerd
show examples
measuerd
Correct your spelling
measured
 in
percentage
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with
2001
Correct article usage
the 2001
show examples
pie
Use synonyms
chart
Use synonyms
, we can see that national
students
Use synonyms
 have the
majorty
Correct your spelling
majority
 with 87% in
this
Linking Words
pie
Use synonyms
,
also
Linking Words
 local
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 take 44%
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the total and
this
Linking Words
the
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
 highest
percentage
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, international
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
is
Verb problem
have
show examples
 the lowest
partcipation
Correct your spelling
participation
 with 4%.
However
Linking Words
 in
2010
Correct article usage
the 2010
show examples
pie
Use synonyms
chart
Use synonyms
,
overall
Linking Words
 national
students
Use synonyms
 take 73% from the
chart
Use synonyms
 and
decrese
Correct your spelling
decrease
 their
percentage
Use synonyms
 by 14% from the 2001
chart
Use synonyms
 .
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, local
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
decline
Wrong verb form
declined
show examples
 to 38% in 2010 than it was 44% in the previous
chart
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, non-local
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
rise
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
 their
percentage
Use synonyms
 rapidly with
11
Correct article usage
an 11
show examples
% increase. In conclusion,
2001
Correct article usage
the 2001
show examples
chart
Use synonyms
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
 more local
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 in
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 the male side. In terms of
2010
Add a comma
2010,
show examples
 we see increasing
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the international side and
decline
Correct article usage
a decline
show examples
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 local
students
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words pie, students, percentage, chart with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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