IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010 Sumarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010 Sumarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The pie charts describe the medium household expenditures in
Japan
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 and
Malaysia
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 in 2010, categorized into housing, transport, grocery, medical bills, and other
goods
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 and
services
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.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Malaysia
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prioritize
Wrong verb form
prioritised
show examples
 housing and food,
while
Linking Words
Japan
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 had a more balanced distribution, with a
noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
 focus on transport and other
goods
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 and
services
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. In 2010, the percentage of housing in
Malaysia
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 was 34%, which was 10% higher than the rate of housing in
Japan
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 at 24%. The proportion of transport in
Japan
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 was 20%,
while
Linking Words
 the figure for
Malaysia
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 was significantly lower, at 10%. Food accounted for 21% of household spending in
Japan
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 food in
Malaysia
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 made up a slightly bigger fraction of 27%. In comparison with other
goods
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 and
services
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 in
Japan
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, which occupied 29% of family expenses, other
goods
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 and
services
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 in
Malaysia
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 constituted a marginally less significant proportion of 26%.
Lastly
Linking Words
, 6% of family spending came from
health-care
Correct your spelling
health care
show examples
 in
Japan
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,
while
Linking Words
 the rate of
health-care
Correct your spelling
health care
show examples
 in
Malaysia
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 was 3% lower, at 3%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words japan, malaysia, goods, services with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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