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Writing Samples
Band 5

The movement of people from rural areas to cities. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays, many
people
Use synonyms
 are leaving the countryside and choosing
cities
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 to live and work in. Some
people
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 say
this
Linking Words
 trend causes numerous negative issues;
otherwise
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, some
people
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 say it brings a lot of benefits
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a country. From my perspective,
this
Linking Words
 movement
causes
Verb problem
has
show examples
 both advantages and disadvantages. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand,
people
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 moving to the
cities
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 can approach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a better quality of life.
Firstly
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, children can go to reputable schools and learn at prestige
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
.
For example
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, the percentage of rural students studying college in Hanoi dramatically increased from 53% to 78% in 10 years.
Secondly
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, the elderly or injured
people
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 can receive treatment
by
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from
show examples
high
Replace the word
highly
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 technical professors and experts in well-known
hospitals
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. Prestigious
hospitals
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such
Linking Words
 as Viet Duc, Medilatec, and Hanoi Center Hospital are located in the capital city. From the economic side, a lot of citizens concentrating in
cities
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 can develop the labour market. In Vietnam, millions of
people
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 find new jobs in the big
cities
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; simultaneously, the economy grows significantly from 19% to 25% in 2 years.
On the other hand
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, many
people
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 moving to big
cities
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 to study and work will put pressure on infrastructure. During public health crises,
hospitals
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 in
cities
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 can become overwhelmed
due to
Linking Words
 the rising number of patients. Evidence shows,
during
Correct word choice
that during
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Covid-19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
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,
hospitals
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 have stopped accepting more patients and require them to self-treat at home as prescribed by doctors.
Moreover
Linking Words
, more citizens mean more vehicles on the streets.
This
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 is a reason that causes traffic jams and air pollution more serious.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Bangkok, the scale of traffic congestion and air pollution doubled between 2015 and 2025. In conclusion, emigrating to big
cities
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 has both positives and negatives. The government should issue relevant laws and policies
such
Linking Words
 as building more healthcare
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 and study
centers
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centres
show examples
 in the countryside for citizens.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider separating the advantages and disadvantages into distinct paragraphs for clearer structural division.
task achievement
Provide more specific and varied examples to support your points, enhancing the clarity of your ideas.
task achievement
Ensure that you fully develop each idea in your main points to provide a more comprehensive discussion.
content
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of urban migration.
support
Good use of specific examples to illustrate points, such as statistics on rural students studying in cities.
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