IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children’s sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children’s sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.
The first chart presents the amount of money in pounds that British parents spent on their
children
Use synonyms
’s
sports
Use synonyms
 from 2008 to 2014,
while
Linking Words
 the second line chart illustrates how many
children
Use synonyms
 played each type of
Use synonyms
sports
Fix the agreement mistake
sport
show examples
 over the same period.
Overall
Linking Words
, parents spent
increasingly
Rephrase
more time
show examples
 on their
children
Use synonyms
’s
sports
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 football showed a fluctuation, it was the most popular
Use synonyms
sports
Fix the agreement mistake
sport
show examples
 throughout the period with a
significant
Change the adjective
significantly
show examples
 higher
number
Use synonyms
 of
children
Use synonyms
 who participated
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. The
number
Use synonyms
 of
children
Use synonyms
 who swam slightly grew;
however
Linking Words
, that of athletics surpassed after 2010. In 2008, parents spent approximately 20 pounds on their
children
Use synonyms
's
sports
Use synonyms
 on a monthly basis. The figure saw a noticeable increase across the given years, reaching nearly 35 pounds per month by 2014. In terms of the types of
sports
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, more than 7.5
million
Use synonyms
children
Use synonyms
participated
Wrong verb form
participate
show examples
 in football each year. Even though the
number
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 slightly fluctuated, it remained relatively unchanged, making football the top engaging activity among all
sports
Use synonyms
. The
number
Use synonyms
 of
children
Use synonyms
 who chose swimming was under 2.5
million
Use synonyms
 in 2008, it gradually went up to fewer than 5
million
Use synonyms
 by 2014.
Conversely
Linking Words
, athletics was the least popular
Use synonyms
sports
Fix the agreement mistake
sport
show examples
 in 2008, the
number
Use synonyms
 saw rapid growth after 2010, overtaking that of swimming, peaking
around
Change preposition
at around
show examples
 5
million
Use synonyms
 in 2012, and eventually comprising just below 5
million
Use synonyms
children
Use synonyms
at the end
Linking Words
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sports, children, number, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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