IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

People who decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it are more likely to have a satisfying working life than those who change jobs frequently. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is often observed that people who decide
their
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on their
show examples
career
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 goals early and work in that direction without changing their path are likely to be more successful than those who switch their jobs
reguarly
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regularly
. I firmly agree with
this
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 notion, as I believe
persistance
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persistence
 and patience eventually
pays
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pay
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. Deciding
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career
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on career
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 goals early and sticking to
it
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them
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 is beneficial in many ways.
Firstly
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, it gives an early start to the person who is perspicuous about his vision as compared to someone who tries out a couple of jobs to figure out the best way forward.
As a result
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, the early head-start leads to
signifcant
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significant
 progress in his
career
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 over a period of time.
Secondly
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, by starting early,
person
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a person
the person
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 is able to learn a lot about his field of interest and gain functional expertise which gives him a strong competitive advantage in the industry.
Moreover
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, by persisting
to
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in
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one
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 line of work,
one
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 gains unmeasurable knowledge, and eventually becomes a subject matter expert
at
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in
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 that field.
For example
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, someone working in finance at a
company
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,
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apply
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 may start with
small
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a small
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 profile
of
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as
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finance
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a finance
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 analyst but over a period of time, could attain the highest position of
Chieft
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Chief
 Financial Officer because of strong domain expertise and profound cultural know-how of
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company
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the company
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, leading to a rewarding and fulfilling
career
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.
Conversally
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Conversely
, people who regularly change their
job
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jobs
show examples
 will find it difficult to build their knowledge at
one
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company
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 and achieve higher positions
of
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in
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company
Correct article usage
the company
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 organically. They may get different kinds of experiences and expand their horizons, but they will not achieve mastery of
one
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 field. In conclusion,
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the person
a person
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person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 who
decide
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decides
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 early about their
life-goals
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life goals
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 are more
likey
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likely
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 to make significant progress in their careers
,
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apply
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 and are more likely to become subject matter experts by their sheer perseverance and tenaciousness, fostering growth and innovation.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, people who switch jobs
oftenly
Correct your spelling
often
 may get diverse experiences but they are not likely to be domain experts.

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task achievement
Ensure that all ideas are expanded with more detailed explanations to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread for typos and grammatical errors to improve overall clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structure for better flow and engagement.
task achievement
You present a clear position on the topic and develop a coherent argument throughout the essay.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant and illustrate your main points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • career path
  • job satisfaction
  • professional goals
  • climb the career ladder
  • develop expertise
  • long-term commitment
  • financial security
  • varied experiences
  • prevent monotony
  • job security
  • career progression
  • personal preferences
  • industry dynamics
What to do next:
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