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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities other however say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required .dissucs both these views and give your opinion

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There is no denying the fact that the most effective way to develop and improve humanity's
health
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 is by raising the amount of
sports
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 services
however
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 some
people
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 say that
this
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 might have a small effect on community
health
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.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that improving
health
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 requires
sports
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 facilities,
otherwise
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 you can not improve your
health
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, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that developing public
health
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 does not need
sports
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 services to have great
health
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 you can have it by exercising at home.
To begin
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 with, increasing the
percentage
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 of healthy
people
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 in the community is the most important thing.
In other words
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, if the number of
people
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 going to the gym grows it means the
percentage
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 of public
health
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 rises.
In addition
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, the community has to know the advantages of having a healthy and fit body.
For example
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, most of the population of China was experience overweight in the past,
whereas
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 nowadays, knowledge about why you should be fit is more widespread.
Secondly
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, if the
percentage
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 of unhealthy society is growing that means a high
percentage
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 of disease. It is possible to say that being unfit has huge issues for yourself.
Moreover
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, solving those problems is by building more
sports
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 facilities, and spreading information about fitness. In conclusion, despite
people
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 having different views. I believe that fitness is what you must give to your body,
due to
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 the fact that you can do any
sports
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 if you are fit, and fitness is more important when you get old.

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Task Achievement
Ensure that you address both views more clearly and provide a balanced discussion on their merits and drawbacks.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your ideas by using clear topic sentences and linking phrases between paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Add more specific examples or evidence to support your points, particularly regarding the impact of sports facilities on public health.
Task Achievement
You present a clear opinion about the importance of fitness outside of sports facilities, which is a good aspect of original thought.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your main idea effectively, reinforcing your opinion on fitness.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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