IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Media coverage of violent crime frightens people and encourages criminals. Some people say it should be banned from newspapers and TV programs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In the prevailing era, crime has become a grimmer issue in some parts of the world. It is an argued issue whether newspapers and TV programs telecast the violent offences that scare the general public and motivate
the
Correct article usage
apply
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criminals.
Although
Linking Words
 having
news
Use synonyms
 related to crimes on television and in magazines can make
people
Use synonyms
 fearful, I believe that it should not be prohibited from them. Commencing with the most salient reason why there are some restrictions on reporting criminal
news
Use synonyms
 is that watching and reading criminal
news
Use synonyms
 can cause fear and stress. To illustrate, it makes
people
Use synonyms
 afraid
from
Change preposition
of
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 going outside
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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night
Change preposition
at night
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 time, even if the area is safe. Parents
also
Linking Words
 worry about their children
while
Linking Words
 their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
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 are not at
the
Correct article usage
apply
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home. Old
people
Use synonyms
 may feel anxious and like to stay inside their house.
Also
Linking Words
, many
people
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 will try to copy them to get
name
Correct article usage
a name
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 and fame. On the other side, I think that criminal
news
Use synonyms
 should not be forbidden from Television and newspapers because it is the right of
people
Use synonyms
 to know about the
misshappens
Correct your spelling
misshapen
miss happens
 that are
occuured
Correct your spelling
occurred
 in their cities and town. So that, they can take crime seriously and use some
percautions
Correct your spelling
precautions
while
Linking Words
 they are outside
from
Change preposition
of
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 their home.
For example
Linking Words
, In Canada, many cars every
months
Change to a singular noun
month
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 are stolen by criminals and
people
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 have become aware
from
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of
show examples
 the situation via CP24
news
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 channels. Whenever they go out
from
Change preposition
of
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 their houses by car, they always check the locks of cars twice times.
To conclude
Linking Words
, even though
treatmenting
Verb problem
apply
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criminal
news
Use synonyms
 by media can make
people
Use synonyms
 afraid, I believe that it should not be disallowed
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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because it leads to
spread
Wrong verb form
spreading
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 the
awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
show examples
 and
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 more
vigilent
Correct your spelling
vigilant
.

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task achievement
The introduction provides a clear stance, but it could be further improved by briefly stating the reasons for your viewpoint. Additionally, a more nuanced position could enhance the argument.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using transition words and phrases for better flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread for grammatical errors and word usage to improve clarity. For example, 'the misshappens that are occuured' could be revised for grammatical accuracy.
task achievement
Ensure that your concluding remarks effectively summarize your arguments and reinforce your viewpoint more emphatically. This will strengthen your conclusion.
task achievement
You provide a clear opinion in the introduction and support it with reasons throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay discusses both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a balanced understanding of the topic.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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