IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Today more people are overweight then before. What is your opinion are the primary causes of this and what are the main effects of this epidemic.

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There is no denying the fact that the epidemic of
overweight
Add a missing verb
being overweight
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became
Wrong verb form
has become
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 a real issue recently and need to overcome
this
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 problem.
This
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 essay will analyse what is
a
Correct article usage
the
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 causes
for
Change preposition
of
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this
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 epidemic and, the effects
for
Change preposition
of
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 it.
To begin
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 with, there are many reasons for people to
becomes
Wrong verb form
become
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 overweight.
Firstly
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, the quality of
food
Use synonyms
one
Add a missing verb
is one
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 of the main reasons. In the meaning of,
now days
Correct the word
nowadays
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 people
becomes
Wrong verb form
have become
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 addicted
withe
Correct your spelling
with
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 fast
food
Use synonyms
 because
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 it
so
Add a missing verb
is so
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 delicious and
withe
Correct your spelling
with
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 one click on the phone the order will be delivered.
For
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example
Add a comma
example,
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 the foods app
in
Change preposition
on
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 our phones always
try
Correct subject-verb agreement
tries
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 to put some offers
in
Change preposition
on
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 unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 which
is lead
Wrong verb form
leads
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 to making the
humes chooce
Correct your spelling
humans choose
 it rather than the
expansive
Correct your spelling
expensive
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health
Replace the word
healthy
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food
Use synonyms
 and
withe
Correct your spelling
with
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 time
this
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 will make the customers gain weight in
unhealthy
Change the article
an unhealthy
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 way. In terms of, effects on society,
this
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 epidemic can change the system of the body. It is
also
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 possible to say that,
overweight
Add a missing verb
being overweight
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 is
some thing
Correct your spelling
something
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 unusual for our
bodys
Correct your spelling
bodies
 it can reduce
or
Correct your spelling
our
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ablitiy
Correct your spelling
ability
 to do our daily routine.
For instance
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, some
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
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 of
food
Use synonyms
 like human-made
food
Use synonyms
 can drop the TRT for
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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males because of
this
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,
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
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 will lose
there
Replace the word
their
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 ability to do hard things like holding big weight and
fight
Replace the word
fighting
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. In conclusion, there are many cases
for
Change preposition
of
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 it and we must try to avoid it. It is true that overweight
effect
Correct your spelling
affects
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 on
gneration
Correct your spelling
generation
 in
negative
Change the article
a negative
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 way.

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coherence and cohesion
The introduction could be clearer and more engaging. Try to rephrase it to better outline your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the clarity and structure of your body paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and support it with detailed explanations and examples.
language accuracy
Ensure there are fewer grammatical errors and awkward phrases. Focus on improving sentence structure for better readability.
task achievement
In your conclusion, restate your opinion clearly and summarize the main points discussed. This will create a stronger ending to your essay.
task achievement
You have identified relevant causes and effects related to the topic, which shows an understanding of the issue.
task achievement
The use of examples, such as food delivery apps promoting unhealthy choices, adds relevance to your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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