IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The professional workers such as doctors, nurses and teachers should be paid more than the sports and entertainment stars or personalities. Do you agree or disagree?

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There is no denying the fact that professional workers like
doctors
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,
nurses
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, and
teachers
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 play a very important role in every society.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that sports and entertainment stars deserve their high salaries because they are popular and help bring in money, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that professionals
such
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 as
doctors
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,
nurses
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, and
teachers
Use synonyms
 should be paid more than celebrities because their
work
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 is essential to the health, safety, and future of society.
To begin
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 with,
doctors
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 and
nurses
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 help save lives and care for sick people every day.
In other words
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, they are responsible for protecting the health of individuals and the public.
In addition
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, they often
work
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 long hours, sometimes in dangerous or stressful situations, especially during health crises.
For example
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, during the COVID-19 pandemic, many healthcare workers worked non-stop, risking their lives to help others, and some even died in the process. Another point to be considered is the role of
teachers
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 in shaping future generations. It is
also
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 possible to say that without
teachers
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, no one can become a doctor, scientist, or even a celebrity.
Moreover
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,
teachers
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 often earn less despite working hard inside and outside the classroom.
For instance
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, they spend hours preparing lessons, correcting
work
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, and supporting students, but their pay is still low in many countries.
To sum up
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, despite people having different points of view, I believe that professional workers like
doctors
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,
nurses
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, and
teachers
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 should receive higher salaries than entertainment and sports stars because their
work
Use synonyms
 has a deeper and longer-lasting impact on society.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific statistical data or studies regarding the impact of doctors, nurses, and teachers on society. This will strengthen your argument further.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use linking words and phrases more frequently to enhance the flow between sentences and ideas, which can improve the overall coherence.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear stance on the issue, with logical arguments supporting your viewpoint.
task achievement
Your use of examples, especially regarding healthcare workers during the COVID-19 pandemic, effectively illustrates your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • essential services
  • public well-being
  • societal progress
  • income disparity
  • market dynamics
  • supply and demand
  • rigorous training
  • emotional and physical demands
  • burnout
  • talent attraction
  • revenue generation
  • financial remuneration
  • ethical considerations
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