Many people no longer read newspapers or watch TV news programmes. Instead they get news about the world from the Internet. Is this a positive or negative development?

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Technology
have
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has
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shift
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shifted
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Use synonyms
people
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people's
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media
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consumption behaviour. It is argued that conventional
media
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such
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as
newspaper
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newspapers
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and TV becoming less popular because of the internet. I think
with
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apply
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people
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moving their
preference
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preferences
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through
website
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websites
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provide a more positive development.
The online
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Online
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news offers
a
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apply
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more
transparant
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transparent
information, where more
people
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could
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can
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get free access through the website. Having
this
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,
it
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apply
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allows a citizen to have fair chances to know any important updates that they can use as
a
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apply
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leverage.
For instance
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, nowadays
people
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could
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can
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know the available job
opportunity
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opportunities
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through an online
media
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portal
instead
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of reading
news
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the news
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.
Moreover
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, most of the online
media
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are free, so
people
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do not need to pay extras to
access
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access them
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, unlike newspaper and TV programs. Speed is
also
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one of the considerable
aspect
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aspects
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that modern
media
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could
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can
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offer in an instant. With many disasters that could happen in a minute, online
media
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could set
as
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apply
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an alarm for
a
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apply
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pre-caution, especially when
earthquake
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an earthquake
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predicted
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is predicted
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to
happenned
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happen
,
for instance
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. Not only
served
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serve
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as a
media
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that
provide
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provides
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knowledge to the public,
with
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but with
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such
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a benefit, it surely can save many
people
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's
life
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lives
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. In conclusion, the internet is seen as a positive development for the news
media
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, where more
people
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have the authority to access the same information and provide updates in an instant. By
this
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, more
people
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could have the same opportunity and potentially
saving
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save
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lifes
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lives
show examples
.

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task achievement
Your thesis statement needs to be clearer. Make sure to outline the main points of your argument in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Improvement on paragraph structure will help. Try to start each paragraph with a topic sentence that directly relates to the thesis statement and maintain clear connections between your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are a bit confusing. Focus on simplifying your ideas for better clarity. For example, rephrase 'it allows a citizen to have fair chances' to something clearer like 'it provides citizens equal opportunities.'
coherence and cohesion
Be aware of spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'transparant' instead of 'transparent' and 'happenned' instead of 'happened.'
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, such as job opportunities and disaster alerts, which strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarises your main argument and reflects on the positive aspects of internet news.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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