IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that advertisements have a useful function for TV viewers while others disagree. What is your opinion about this? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some individuals believe that
advertisements
Use synonyms
 show a productive function for television viewers
while
Linking Words
 others would argue that it has a negative impact on the people watching television
ads
Use synonyms
. I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement about
ads
Use synonyms
 having useful consequences because
advertisements
Use synonyms
 give insufficient information that can have serious effects on human life in terms of
health
Use synonyms
 and
safety
Use synonyms
.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
 of the promotions about a product are to increase the sales and profits of a company.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
advertisements
Use synonyms
 are designed to attract customers by promoting only the useful features of an item.
As a result
Linking Words
,
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of information about product utilization can cause serious
health
Use synonyms
 problems. Take cosmetic brands
for instance
Linking Words
, after many harmful effects on the public WHO (World
Health
Use synonyms
 Organization) has reported that,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of the population
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 purchasing products
watching
Correct word choice
and watching
show examples
ads
Use synonyms
 on TV without knowing their skin type. Another reason is that the lack of addressing the
safety
Use synonyms
 measures for a product causes severe injuries and sometimes
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to death.
In other words
Linking Words
,
safety
Use synonyms
 precautions and restrictions are not addressed in
advertisements
Use synonyms
 on television like age, location and storage requirements which are very crucial before using an item.
For example
Linking Words
, a recent report from Cellio in Canada says that most of the chemical explosions are because of
advertisements
Use synonyms
 directed without mentioning
safety
Use synonyms
 instructions based on climatic conditions. In conclusion,
ads
Use synonyms
 have a huge influence on TV viewers through
advertisements
Use synonyms
 which can have
health
Use synonyms
 and
safety
Use synonyms
 concerns
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 people’s lives.
Therefore
Linking Words
, in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 I personally believe that
advertisements
Use synonyms
 have no useful function
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the people watching
advertisements
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Consider providing more balanced arguments by acknowledging the potential benefits of advertisements before presenting your viewpoints. This shows a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your ideas are well-developed and elaborated with examples. For instance, explaining how specific advertisements impact health negatively would strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer transitions between points to guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly. This improves the overall flow of your essay.
content
You provide relevant examples related to health and safety concerns that enhance your argument.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: