IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative developement?

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There is no denying the fact that communication between
countries
Use synonyms
 plays a crucial role
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 facilitating goods transfer between them,
while
Linking Words
 it is commonly held
believe
Verb problem
apply
show examples
that customers can buy any food
types
Fix the agreement mistake
type
show examples
, which
come
Correct subject-verb agreement
comes
show examples
 from different
countries
Use synonyms
, from the supermarket, there is an argument that opposes
this
Linking Words
 idea.
This
Linking Words
 essay will analyze
Linking Words
this topics
Change the determiner
this topic
these topics
show examples
 from both points of view and express my opinion. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, in modern
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 so
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
good
Fix the agreement mistake
goods
show examples
 from different nations,
Linking Words
consequently
Add a comma
consequently,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 may provide a great
varieties
Correct the article-noun agreement
variety
show examples
 of food products, so people can test many
flavors
Change the spelling
flavours
show examples
 and attempt traditional dishes of other regions across the world.
In addition
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 will not only lower the cost of the equipment from outside
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 will make the local products cheaper.
For example
Linking Words
, Indian spices were so precious equivalent to gold in their cost, and
as a result
Linking Words
 of advanced transportation between
countries
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 has become cheaper and affordable to all.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are many drawbacks, including,
firstly
Linking Words
, there are many farms and agricultural fields
start
Correct pronoun usage
that start
show examples
 to be neglected because the farming costs a lot and the food
stuffs
Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 cheap so it is not
worthy
Replace the word
worth
show examples
 to farm their lands.
Secondly
Linking Words
, many companies put preservatives, so they can move them abroad
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
 time without spoiling and these substances could be carcinogenic and harmful to our health.
For instance
Linking Words
, there is an increase in the number of people a long the world suffer from cancer and the sciences show that it may belong to preservatives that are used in eating
stuffs
Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
show examples
. In conclusion, there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 no easy answers to
this
Linking Words
 question. On balance,
however
Linking Words
, I tend to believe that it is
advantages
Replace the word
advantageous
show examples
 to go to the supermarket and get the type of products they need, but it is good for the government to encourage using local materials so it
facilitate
Change the verb form
facilitates
show examples
 job opportunities for
labors
Replace the word
labourers
show examples
 in the
countries
Use synonyms
.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure every point is clearly articulated and fully developed, with logical progression throughout the essay.
task achievement
Strengthen your introduction by clearly stating your personal opinion on the issue.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your claims, especially in the drawbacks section.
general advice
Work on grammatical accuracy, particularly in sentence structure, to enhance clarity.
task achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument, which demonstrates an understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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