IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Due to the effects of globalization, the culture of some countries are influenced by others. Some people think this is a positive process. Others think this is a threat to cultural identity. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Although
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,
People
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 believe that modernization is beneficial to countries because it can foster unity and enhance diversity amongst various nations with different
traditions
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.I agree with view two because it is a negative process and poses a threat to cultural identity. On one hand, some individuals are of the belief that modernization can be detrimental to their
traditions
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 and customs because they feel that the adoption and
incoporation
Correct your spelling
incorporation
 of their culture by other countries can lead to cultural appropriation and even lead to the decline and extinction of their culture.
For example
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, if a caucasian plaits braids it can lead to resentment towards them from
people
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 of colour particularly Africans and Black Americans. The
dominace
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dominance
 of certain
cultures
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 particularly Western
cutures
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cultures
 can overshadow local
traditions
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 and languages which can
also
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 lessen the originality of the local
cultures
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. Another instance is of kids whose cultural backgrounds are deeply rooted in respect, when
such
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 children migrate to these
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
 parts of the world they become accustomed to not seeing certain values including respect as a big deal.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, globalization can lead to cultural exchange,where countries share
traditions
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,cuisines and languages enriching the global culture.Cross-cultural collaboration in arts and entertainment can foster understanding and appreciation of diverse
cultures
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, which broadens
people
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's perspectives. Establishment of restaurants that serve dishes and meals
asides
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aside
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the
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from the
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 country
of
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in
show examples
 which they are built. Having African,Asian,
Middle-eastern
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and Middle-eastern
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restuarants
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restaurants
restaurant
 in an American city
center
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centre
show examples
 and Canadians wearing the prestigious
iro
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iron
 and buba/agbada and fila which are native attires that belong to the Yoruba
people
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 of South-western Nigeria. The dissemination of global brands and lifestyles can introduce new ideas and practices that may lead to modernization and innovation in traditional
cultures
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.In response to globalization, many communities are taking steps to preserve their cultural identities, creating a balance between embracing global influences and maintaining local
traditions
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 which I think is extremely important

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task achievement
The introduction could clearly state your stance more directly, ideally in one concise sentence to clarify your opinion. Additionally, consider including a brief summary of the main points you will discuss in your essay.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to check for grammatical accuracy and punctuation throughout the essay, as there are a few minor errors that could affect clarity. For example, ensure you maintain consistent spacing after punctuation, and check the use of apostrophes and contractions.
coherence cohesion
When presenting your arguments, aim for clearer connections between paragraphs. Transition sentences can help guide readers through your points more smoothly, which would improve the overall flow of the essay.
task achievement
Your examples demonstrate a good understanding of different views on globalization and its impact on cultural identity, which enhances your arguments.
task achievement
You present both sides of the argument well, showcasing an understanding of the complexities of globalization and cultural exchange.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • globalization
  • cultural exchange
  • cultural identity
  • cultural appropriation
  • homogenization
  • dominance of culture
  • local traditions
  • cross-cultural collaboration
  • modernization
  • innovation
  • cuisine
  • perspectives
  • enrichment
  • uniqueness
  • preservation
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