IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that children that commit crimes should be punished. Others think the parents should be punished instead. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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The question of whether
children
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 who commit
crimes
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 should be punished or whether their
parents
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 should be held accountable has sparked considerable debate in many societies.
While
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 some argue that
children
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 must face consequences for their
actions
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 to promote responsibility, I believe that the
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parents’
Correct your spelling
parent’s
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 role in the
child
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’s upbringing should make them responsible for their
child
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's misdeeds. On one hand, there is a strong case for holding
children
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 accountable for their
crimes
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. Punishing young offenders helps them understand the consequences of their
actions
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, teaching them the importance of following societal rules.
For instance
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, in many countries, juvenile detention
centers
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centres
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 aim to rehabilitate young offenders, where they are provided with
counseling
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counselling
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 and education to understand the impact of their
actions
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 on others.
Moreover
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, the punishment of
children
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 can act as a deterrent to prevent future
offenses
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offences
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. When
children
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 are penalized for their criminal
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behavior
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behaviour
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, it sends a clear message that illegal
actions
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 come with significant consequences, discouraging them from engaging in similar
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behavior
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behaviour
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 as they grow older.
On the other hand
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, I would argue that the
parents
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 of
children
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 who commit
crimes
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 should be held responsible for their
child
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's
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behavior
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behaviour
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. The main reason for
this
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 is that
parents
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 play a crucial role in shaping their
children
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's values and
actions
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. If a
child
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 engages in criminal activity, it may be an indication of poor parental guidance or neglect, which warrants parental accountability.
Therefore
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, holding
parents
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 accountable can encourage them to reassess their parenting practices, potentially preventing the
child
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 from engaging in similar
behaviors
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behaviours
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 in the future.
Furthermore
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, penalizing
parents
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 can promote more proactive involvement in addressing their
children
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’s
behavioral
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behavioural
show examples
 issues. In some countries, when
parents
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 are penalized for their
children
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’s criminal
actions
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, they are often required to attend parenting workshops or
counseling
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counselling
show examples
 sessions, which can help them improve their
child
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-rearing techniques and foster a more supportive home environment. In conclusion,
while
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 I understand the arguments for holding
children
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 accountable for their
actions
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 to promote personal responsibility and prevent future
crimes
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, I believe that parental involvement is more important in addressing the root causes of criminal
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behavior
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behaviour
show examples
.

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task achievement
Include more specific examples or studies to support your points. For example, you could reference a specific country or program where parental accountability has been effective in reducing youth crime.
coherence and cohesion
While the structure is generally good, ensure each paragraph clearly relates back to the main thesis to enhance cohesiveness. Transition words could be utilized more effectively to guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, which shows the depth of thought.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively summarize the main points, providing a clear framework for the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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