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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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The debate between focusing on
competition
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 against each other and
cooperation
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 among people has long been a topic of interest.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives before presenting my own opinion.
Firstly
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, I will explore why
competition
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 as
a
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an
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 individual performs better outcomes than rivals, and
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secondly
Add a comma
secondly,
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 I will examine how the community are more effective in increasing productivity with
cooperation
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. On the one hand,
a
Correct article usage
apply
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competition
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 directly
effects
Correct your spelling
affects
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 to personal development of both employees and students. It can be a source of a strong motivator. When individuals compete, they usually
work
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 harder, enhance their skills, and try to show personally talented aspects of themselves in order to surpass their peers or colleagues.
For example
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, If you
work
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 in high-performance industries
such
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 as sales, technology or finance,
then
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 you probably need to increase efficiency and innovation because you should pay attention to soar the earnings in a factory.
On the other hand
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,
a
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apply
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collaboration provides many benefits in terms of a sustainable environment and
satisfactory
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a satisfactory
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 place where people are at school or
work
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.
Moreover
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, teamwork promotes the sharing of knowledge, ideas and resources, which can lead to more creative problem-solving.
For instance
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, in fields that require teamwork,
such
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 as healthcare, education, or project management,
cooperation
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 is indispensable to achieve goals and ensure
overall
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 success. It is
also
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 noticeable that joint effort reduces stress and conflict, bringing about a supportive atmosphere and diverse motivation areas. In conclusion, even though
competition
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 can increase individual performance,
cooperation
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 fosters joint commitment and creates valuable workplaces by working together.
As a result
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, I personally believe that collaboration is needed and it represents to recognize an organization among co-workers for healthy communication, trust and achieving common assignments at
work
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 or school.

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task achievement
Consider refining your thesis statement to clearly outline your position and the structure of your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use smoother transitions between points to enhance the flow of your ideas.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points, especially regarding the benefits of cooperation.
task achievement
You successfully present both sides of the argument, which shows an understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, facilitating readability.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
What to do next:
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