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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graphs below show the number of medals won by the top five countries in the summer and winter Olympics.(Anelya1)

The graphs below show the number of medals won by the top five countries in the summer and winter Olympics.(Anelya1)
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The presented bar charts illustrate the average number of medal winners of
top
Correct article usage
the top
show examples
 five countries in the
summer
Capitalize word
Summer
show examples
 and Winter Olympic
games
Capitalize word
Games
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, in the winter time
competition
Add a comma
competition,
show examples
 the proportion of Norwegian winners demonstrated
significantly
Correct article usage
a significantly
show examples
highes
Correct your spelling
higher
highest
level
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 Canadian champions showed the lowest number of
medals
Use synonyms
, for
reason
Correct article usage
the reason
show examples
 that Canada received one less gold medal.
In addition
Linking Words
, the figure of United States champions
also
Linking Words
represent
Change the verb form
represents
show examples
 the maximum
level
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the rate than
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 over the all summer period. During the wintertime of the world stage of
sport
Add a comma
sport,
show examples
 the Norwegian victors reached the peak of the rate and
get
Wrong verb form
got
show examples
 above 350
medals
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
 American competitors showed
less
Fix the agreement mistake
a lower
show examples
level
Use synonyms
 with 300
award
Change to a plural noun
awards
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Russian players achieve
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
Use synonyms
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 than Canadian teams, due
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 fact that Russia
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
 one gold medal more. Looking at the other groups in the charts, in the summertime Global sports competition the trend of achievers from the USA came to the top of leaders, achieving 2500
medals
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the French competitors,
whose
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 get over 500
medals
Use synonyms
, are at the lowest point on the rate.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words level, medals with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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