IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or bulding they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

In these times, where we have a lot of
information
Use synonyms
 around us and
uses
Correct subject-verb agreement
use
show examples
screen
Fix the agreement mistake
screens
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 all the time, is very common
watch
Fix the infinitive
to watch
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advertisings
Replace the word
advertisements
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 wherever we go in real life and
social
Change preposition
on social
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 media, is it really bad? I think
no
Correct your spelling
not
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, because
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
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 have to innovate in everything from ads to payment, so
which
Correct pronoun usage
what
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 is the problem? Basically, the products. As we know, around the
world
Use synonyms
 we can find many cultures, languages, costumes, traditions and a lot of differences but we are connected in one way:
buy
Wrong verb form
buying
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 things.
The globalization
Correct article usage
Globalization
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, technology, free market are working so hard to create more necessities than we really have, every person
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
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 the
last
Linking Words
 car,
last
Linking Words
 smartphone,
Linking Words
last
Correct word choice
and last
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 smart
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
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 and be realistic nowadays everything is smarter than us.
And business
Correct word choice
Business
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 people know that, so their methodology is to bombard
with
Correct pronoun usage
you with
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 advertising
while
Linking Words
 you watch television or social
medial
Replace the word
media
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,
while
Linking Words
 you walk to
you
Change the pronoun
your
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 work or maybe,
while
Linking Words
 you exercise in some street of your city. Actually, they are trying to convince you by
compare
Change the verb form
comparing
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 one product with another,
for example
Linking Words
 in technology
everyday
Replace the word
every day
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 they have the
Linking Words
last
Correct word choice
latest
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 smartphone with the best camera of
every
Correct determiner usage
the
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 time and the
faster
Correct word choice
fastest
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 internet in the
world
Use synonyms
.
In these
Change preposition
These
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 days, we are giving all our personal
information
Use synonyms
 to them because we want to be connected with all
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
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 of
information
Use synonyms
 that
happened
Wrong verb form
happens
show examples
 around the
world
Use synonyms
 and the best way to
Linking Words
this
Add a missing verb
do this
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 is
have
Change the verb form
to have
having
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many
Rephrase
as many
show examples
 social media as you can,
obviously
Add a comma
obviously,
show examples
 they are very smart and
uses
Correct subject-verb agreement
use
show examples
 it against us. As I said at the beginning, every person
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
show examples
 to have the best thing in the
world
Use synonyms
, so they try to persuade us to buy their
Linking Words
last
Correct word choice
latest
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 technology, the most healthy food. I think it is a very good strategy
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they just are using the
information
Use synonyms
 that we gave about our necessities or where to live or if today is going to rain or not and in
this
Linking Words
 way, they just offer us the best version of
we
Correct pronoun usage
what we
show examples
 want.

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coherence and cohesion
This essay needs to improve its clarity and focus. Ensure that each paragraph clearly addresses a specific point related to the question topic. Transition between ideas could be made smoother to enhance understanding.
task achievement
Although your essay covers relevant points, expanding on each point with more specific examples and clearer arguments would strengthen your overall response. For instance, elaborate on how advertising impacts purchasing decisions.
content
You demonstrate an awareness of the global context of advertising and its effects on consumer behavior, which is a relevant perspective for the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Historical research
  • Genealogy
  • Architectural styles
  • Heritage
  • Relics
  • Oral history
  • Archival records
  • Museum exhibits
  • Historical societies
  • House tours
  • Renovation projects
  • Original blueprints
  • Careful documentation
What to do next:
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