IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some countries have introduced laws to limit the working hours that an employer can ask from an employee. Why are these law introduced? Is this a positive or negative trend? Umar

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Several countries have proposed
laws
Use synonyms
 to ban the working
time
Use synonyms
 that
boss
Fix the agreement mistake
bosses
show examples
 can
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
demand from
a staff members
Correct the article-noun agreement
staff members
a staff member
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the main reason why
this
Linking Words
 law
being
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 added and is
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
advantages
Replace the word
advantageous
show examples
 or
disadvantageous
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disadvantaged
show examples
. Governments introduce
laws
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for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to regulate working
hours
Use synonyms
 to
safe
Replace the word
save
show examples
staff s
Correct your spelling
staff's
 health and enhance their ability to work. Working conditions for employees for a long
time
Use synonyms
 can lead to stress, anxiety and exhaustion which can follow serious
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as heart
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
,
Correct word choice
and physically
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physically
Change the word
physical
show examples
 pain.The aim of the government is to prevent people suffering from a high level of overdoing and pain.
For example
Linking Words
, in Europe there are accepted decisions to avoid
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
mire
Correct your spelling
more
show examples
 than 60
hours
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 a week, it’s
researched
Add a missing verb
been researched
show examples
that is
Linking Words
 a perfect
time
Use synonyms
 to escape from stress . I strongly support
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a positive attitude that limited
hours
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 can help to improve productivity.
Moreover
Linking Words
, is
as
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apply
show examples
a benefit for a human well relaxed and for
company
Add an article
the company
a company
show examples
 in the long run. When workers have
time
Use synonyms
 to rest they are more responsible and productive thereby reducing
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
show examples
 of probably mistakes.
This
Linking Words
 can lead
as
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a good sign for a company in the future .
For example
Linking Words
,
Australia
Correct your spelling
Australian
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 companies mainly concentrate
to do
Change preposition
on doing
show examples
 for their employees more efficiently thereby giving them enough
time
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except
Change preposition
for
show examples
Add an article
the job
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job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
,for
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
private life,
for
Correct word choice
and for
show examples
 their family members. In conclusion, some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
countries present new
laws
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 which include
to limit
Change the verb form
limiting
show examples
 working
hours
Use synonyms
 that
director
Fix the agreement mistake
directors
show examples
 can ask
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
personal
Replace the word
personnel
show examples
. To address
this
Linking Words
 ,
laws
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 added by the government to save workforces from overdoing which can lead to diseases thereby making totally positive changes.

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task achievement
Your introduction could be made clearer by rephrasing and correcting some inaccuracies. Consider simplifying your sentences and ensuring that they accurately convey your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Work on linking your ideas more clearly. Utilizing transition words can help improve the flow of your essay and make your arguments easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Be cautious with grammar and word choice. Some phrases were awkward or incorrect, which can confuse readers. Proofreading your work for grammatical errors will enhance clarity.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to support your arguments, such as the example from Europe regarding working hours. This adds credibility to your views.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your essay, which is a crucial aspect of coherence and cohesion.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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