IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on treatment of people who are already ill. to what extent do you agree or disagree.

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Nowadays, it is extremely vital for
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 to spend
money
Use synonyms
 on
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 to prevent
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
various diseases
than
Rephrase
rather than
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 to make
expenditure
Fix the agreement mistake
expenditures
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who
already
Add a missing verb
are already
show examples
 ill. To some extent, I agree with
this
Linking Words
 view, but there are other aspects to take into account. One key reason for prioritizing
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it is easy to take action and protect them when
immune
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the immune
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 system is strong.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, public
money
Use synonyms
 should be invested
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 because it takes less effort when
people
Use synonyms
 do more activities and
immune
Correct article usage
the immune
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 system can protect them from light illnesses.
For example
Linking Words
,
sport
Change the noun form
sports
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 activities
such
Linking Words
 as running, meditation, powerlifting or swimming
are
Verb problem
have
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 scientifically
proved
Correct your spelling
proven
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 that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 regular physical exercises help individuals to make their bones denser or to produce their natural hormones like testosterone or melatonin.
As a result
Linking Words
,
person
Add an article
a person
the person
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 can function well and prevent obesity or cardiovascular diseases.
However
Linking Words
, another argument against
this
Linking Words
 is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
treatment
Correct article usage
the treatment
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who
already
Add a missing verb
are already
show examples
 ill could be useful for medicine to understand
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the root of heavy illnesses.
In other words
Linking Words
, spending
money
Use synonyms
 and years of
labor
Change the spelling
labour
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 might help
people
Use synonyms
 to survive
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
incurable diseases
such
Linking Words
 as
censer
Correct your spelling
cancer
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, dementia or others.
For instance
Linking Words
, in order to prevent and help
people
Use synonyms
 to
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 their immune system scientists and doctors make countless tests on patients which requires
money
Use synonyms
 to create
vaccine
Fix the agreement mistake
vaccines
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.
Consequently
Linking Words
, with created vaccines many
people
Use synonyms
 come back
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
 typical
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 and spend time with their loved ones. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
,
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 to spend their
money
Use synonyms
 on their health,
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
show examples
 it is
also
Linking Words
 crucial, to
helping
Wrong verb form
help
show examples
 patients who need medical care.

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task achievement
Your main ideas are relevant but could be developed further. Make sure to elaborate on your points to give a fuller response.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences have grammatical inaccuracies. Pay attention to sentence structure, and ensure that your writing is clear and correct. This will enhance understanding.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to integrate your examples more smoothly into your argument to enhance the logical flow.
coherence and cohesion
Try to avoid overusing commas, especially in places where they aren't necessary. This can help improve clarity.
task achievement
You have presented a thoughtful argument that addresses both sides of the issue clearly.
task achievement
Your use of examples effectively supports your points, demonstrating a strong understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive measures
  • chronic diseases
  • healthcare costs
  • public health campaigns
  • lifestyle-related illnesses
  • quality of life
  • health-conscious society
  • allocate funds
  • balanced healthcare system
  • comprehensive healthcare strategy
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