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Band 6

The table below shows the proportion of income spent on 4 common items in the UK in 1998.(Anelya1)

The table below shows the proportion of income spent on 4 common items in the UK in 1998.(Anelya1)
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The presented table illustrates the average number of British
adults
Change noun form
adult's
adults'
show examples
 and
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
earning
Correct your spelling
earnings
show examples
 spent on 4 common
items
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as food,
electronic
Replace the word
electronics
show examples
,
music
Use synonyms
 and
videos
Use synonyms
 in the year 1998.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that grown-up spent their money on food and a little bit on
electronic
Replace the word
electronics
show examples
whereas
Linking Words
 the proportion of other
items
Use synonyms
 was less.
Moreover
Linking Words
, youngsters more waste earnings to
bought
Wrong verb form
buy
show examples
 electronic devices,
music
Use synonyms
 and
videos
Use synonyms
 than nourishment in the given time period.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 adults
spends
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 more
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 buying food,
reaching
Wrong verb form
reaches
show examples
 exactly a quarter.
Though the
Correct word choice
The
show examples
 highest percentage of spending for sustenance was females, which
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 39%,
while
Linking Words
 males got 14%. But males
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
waste
incomes
Correct pronoun usage
their incomes
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
buying electronic devices, which reached 10%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the other
items
Use synonyms
 got less than 10% in both genders.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, children
preferred
Add the particle
preferred to
show examples
 waste their caches to
bought
Wrong verb form
buy
show examples
 electrical
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
,
music
Use synonyms
 and
videos
Use synonyms
. Other young genders bought
music
Use synonyms
 almost in the same percentage
while
Linking Words
 in electronic and
videos
Use synonyms
 they were divided into two groups,which the number of
boy
Change to a plural noun
boys
show examples
 spent more
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 both
items
Use synonyms
 and
get
Wrong verb form
got
show examples
 the same percentage
such
Linking Words
 as 18% in the same time span.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "such, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words items, music, videos with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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