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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of inquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over six months in 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The graph below shows the number of inquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over six months in 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
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The chart illustrates the amount of inquiries that the Tourist Information Office received in one city over six months in 2011
Overall
Linking Words
, the number of adult
visitors
Use synonyms
 fluctuated through the period,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
this
Linking Words
figure
Use synonyms
 was constantly the highest position. The
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
 aged under 15 witnessed a moderate downward trend
while
Linking Words
 the
figure
Use synonyms
 for special exhibition
visitors
Use synonyms
 saw a minimal upward. The number of
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 visiting
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
 rose slightly from 300000
people
Use synonyms
 in 1997 to about 300100
people
Use synonyms
 in 2002. The
figure
Use synonyms
 for special exhibition
visitors
Use synonyms
remain
Change the verb form
remains
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 no change at about 25000 in the first 5 years
while
Linking Words
 guests aged under 15 decreased minimally from 12000
people
Use synonyms
 in 1997 to 11000
people
Use synonyms
 in 2002. The amount of adult
visitors
Use synonyms
 suddenly increased and
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 a peak of 400000
people
Use synonyms
 in 2007 before having a small downturn trend to 370000
people
Use synonyms
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period. After 2002,the
figure
Use synonyms
 for
visitors
Use synonyms
 aged under 15 continued to reduce to nearly 80000
people
Use synonyms
 in 2007 and 75000
people
Use synonyms
 in 2012. Alternatively, the number of
visitors
Use synonyms
 coming to special
exhibition
Fix the agreement mistake
exhibitions
show examples
 had a moderate growth from 40000
people
Use synonyms
 in 2007 to about 45000
peole
Correct your spelling
people
 in 2012.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, figure, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "moderate" was used 2 times.
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