IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that children are given too much free time. They fel that this time should be used to do more school work. How do you think children should spend their free time?

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Doing academic work
instead
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 of spending too much free
time
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 is believed to be more efficient for young kids. In my
opinion
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opinion,
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 academic
time
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 is important but even more
ist
Verb problem
important is
show examples
 the variety
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time
Change preposition
of time
show examples
 for their
self development
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self-development
show examples
.
Firstly
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, free
time
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 allows children to explore their interests and develop skills beyond the classroom. Activities
such
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 as playing sports, reading for pleasure, learning a musical instrument, or engaging in creative arts not only provide enjoyment but
also
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 help in building confidence, improving social skills, and enhancing creativity. These experiences are equally important for a child’s growth and often contribute to better performance in school, as they develop into a
self confident
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self-confident
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 individual.
Secondly
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, unstructured
time
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 is crucial for mental health. Constant academic pressure can lead to stress, anxiety, and burnout, even at a young age. By having
time
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 to relax and recharge, children are more likely to approach their studies with a positive attitude and better concentration.
For example
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, a child who spends an hour playing outdoors after school may return to their homework more focused and refreshed. That said, free
time
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 should be balanced and not become excessive. It is important that children develop a sense of responsibility, and some portion of their
time
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 should be dedicated to completing homework and revising what they have learned.
However
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, replacing all free
time
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 with academic tasks could be counterproductive and hinder the development of other vital life skills. In
conclusion
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conclusion,
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 a good balance of free
time
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 for
acadmic
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academic
 work and free
time
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 for
acitivies
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activities
 is important in the development of a
self-independend
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self-independent
 and well-
beeing
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being
 young adult.

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task achievement
Make sure to clarify your argument in the introduction to reflect your stance clearly. Mention that both academic work and free time are important for children's development.
task achievement
In your conclusion, provide a clearer summary of your key points. Consider rephrasing to ensure that both elements (academic work and free time) are equally represented in your closing argument.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to minor spelling and grammatical errors. For example, 'ist' should be 'is', and 'acitivies' should be 'activities'. These errors can detract from the overall quality of your writing.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use linking words to enhance the flow of your essay, particularly between paragraphs. This will improve coherence and help the reader follow your argument more easily.
content
You effectively highlight the importance of free time for children's personal development and mental health.
content
Your examples of specific activities illustrate your points and provide context for your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Leisure activities
  • Physical health
  • Social skills
  • Creativity
  • Cognitive development
  • Emotional intelligence
  • Academic progress
  • Balance
  • Mental health
  • Personal growth
  • Teamwork
  • Strategic thinking
  • Self-expression
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Communication skills
What to do next:
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