IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people feel that the legal age at which people can marry should be at least 21. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is no doubt that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 these days, A few people think that the most suitable
age
Use synonyms
 to marry should be at least 21. At the same time, several people support other ages,
such
Linking Words
 as under 20 or over 23. The question is : is there a specific
age
Use synonyms
 to hold the family responsibilities
?.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
This
Linking Words
 essay completely agrees with
this
Linking Words
 perspective. in terms of the
issues
Fix the agreement mistake
issue
show examples
 of selecting the right
age
Use synonyms
 for marriage, the main reason given to support
this
Linking Words
 claim is many experiences and statistics for failed marriages. because both sides were irresponsible
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their relationship.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 problem led to the end of the association.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
Age
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
this
Linking Words
 point was the primary factor.
for example
Linking Words
, statistics provided by Harvard University in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
late
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2023 showed the data of ended marriages in one year in London. a large proportion of the data pointed to the group
Use synonyms
age
Wrong verb form
aged
show examples
 19-22 years. highlighting the importance of choosing a suitable
age
Use synonyms
 for adults to get married.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, numerous causes
pushing
Wrong verb form
push
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers to think
to get
Change preposition
about getting
show examples
 married in
early
Correct article usage
an early
show examples
 period or at least
Change preposition
at the
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 legal
age
Use synonyms
 like the desire
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 start
their
Change the word
a
show examples
 family if they have enough budget and other abilities. because many statistics
indicated
Wrong verb form
indicate
show examples
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
succeed
Replace the word
success
show examples
men's
Change preposition
in men's
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 after
his
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
marriage.
for instance
Linking Words
, a Japanese Research Centre illustrated that 75% of married individuals succeed in their professional lives
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 relationship.
to sum up
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 some young people may benefit from early marriage,
this
Linking Words
 essay strongly agrees that waiting until
suitable
Correct article usage
a suitable
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 regardless
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 number is
essenatial
Correct your spelling
essential
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
for building a stable relationship.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The introduction could provide a clearer outline of your main arguments. Consider briefly mentioning the points you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to use more formal language and correct grammar throughout the essay. Pay attention to sentence structure and punctuation to improve clarity.
task achievement
Expand on your points with more examples or clarification to strengthen your arguments. Currently, some ideas may feel underdeveloped.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and presents a clear viewpoint, which is essential for task achievement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Legal age
  • Marriage
  • Maturity
  • Stability
  • Individual choice
  • Freedom
  • Cultural practices
  • Religious practices
  • Education
  • Career aspirations
What to do next:
Look at other essays: