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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some children receive almost no encouragement from their parents regarding their performance at school, while other children receive too much pressure from their over enthusiastic parents which can have a negative impact on the child. Why do you think some parents put too much pressure on their children to perform well at school? What do you think the role of a parent should be in their child's education?

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Parental involvement in education varies widely, from neglect to overwhelming pressure. Some
parents
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 push their
children
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 excessively to excel academically
due to
Linking Words
 various personal and societal factors. In most cultures, academic success is linked to social status or economic security, compelling
parents
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 to overburden their
children
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 to transcend their school performance.
Moreover
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, with limited university openings and job vacancies,
parents
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 see top grades as essential for future security.
Furthermore
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, guardians who regret their academic shortcomings may overcompensate by pushing their
children
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.
Conversely
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, guardians should focus on fostering a positive environment by recognizing their child's efforts and resilience, rather than solely emphasizing the outcome.
Additionally
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, they must provide their child with resources tailored to their studies.
Moreover
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, having realistic expectations from their child is essential to prevent undue stress and burnout.
Hence
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,
parents
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 must take a balanced approach to nurturing their offspring.
Although
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 societal and economic factors drive some
parents
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 to overburden their
children
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, a supportive role is more beneficial for academic success.

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task achievement
While the main points are present, providing more specific examples or evidence to support your claims would enhance your argument. Consider including anecdotal evidence or relevant research findings about the effects of parental pressure.
coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence, try using more varied linking words and phrases to transition between your ideas and paragraphs smoothly. This would help guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction briefly addresses the topic but could benefit from a clearer thesis statement that outlines your argument more explicitly. This will prepare the reader for your subsequent points.
content
The essay presents a balanced view on parental involvement in education, recognizing the tension between support and pressure.
language
The use of varied vocabulary in your essay demonstrates a good level of English proficiency, making your points clear and engaging.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • encouragement
  • performance
  • pressure
  • overzealous
  • impact
  • educational experiences
  • expectations
  • societal influences
  • cultural expectations
  • academic success
  • fear of failure
  • protective measure
  • competitive nature
  • job markets
  • undue pressure
  • motivation
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