IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishments is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion ?

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At
their
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a
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 young age, the brain of
children
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 is more capable of remembering than
adults
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 anticipate. It is conventional that it is essential for them to learn and differentiate
right
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 and wrong, and that
punishment
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 should be accompanied to encourage their learning. Personally, the idea of teaching those
along with
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punishment
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 is agreeable, and the limit and means of
punishment
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 levels should be applied in order for
adults
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 to avoid being abusive.
Firstly
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, there is a saying, “Spare the rod, spoil the child”, meaning that
children
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 should learn to behave and practice righteousness
while
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 growing;
otherwise
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, they could grow up less productive. When they learn to stay and behave under control, they learn patience and tolerance to what surrounds them.
This
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 helps them realise and distinguish “
right
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” from “wrong”.
Also
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, when young, their
brian’s
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brain’s
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 capability expands as they grow. It is easy to cultivate good lessons into their memory, which later becomes their
long term
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long-term
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 memory that shapes their life in the future.
Nonetheless
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,
the
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apply
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proper
punishment
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 should be
practiced
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practised
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along with
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 the teaching. The limit is there for
adults
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 who are mentoring
children
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 to give them the
right
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 sentence.
For example
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, recently, the law has banned any
sorts
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sort
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 of child
punishment
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 in Thailand.
This
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 results in every child being protected by law so that they can live and stay safe from any physical injuries.
This
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 means only blasphemy should be considered a harsh approach to punish a child. Yet, there is no one specific
punishment
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 suitable for all.
Adults
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 must be noted that before giving a
punishment
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, motives or any intentions should be involved in the process.
This
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 can help spare time for the
right
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 decision for the final sentence, or
this
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 could help
children
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 learn and regret what they have done to deserve any final results of an event, helping them to learn to identify
right
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 from wrong. In conclusion, it is accepted that
punishment
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 is needed for the process of teaching young people to learn what is
right
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 or wrong. Those
children
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 are capable of learning to become good citizens of the community where they are part of. Still, one fine
punishment
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 is rarely to be found.
Nonetheless
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,
adults
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 in charge should find the appropriate one for them to learn and for
adults
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 themselves to avoid making the teaching become the other way around.

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task achievement
Consider refining your thesis statement to state your position more clearly and succinctly. A precise thesis will guide your arguments effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph includes a clear main idea and adequately supports it with relevant examples or explanations.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and typos which can distract the reader. For instance, 'brian's capability' should be 'brain's capability.'
task achievement
Your essay shows a clear understanding of the topic and presents a personal viewpoint, which is a strength in addressing the question.
coherence and cohesion
You have effectively structured your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which enhances its coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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