IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

The bar chart showes the number of times per week (in 1000s), over five weeks that three computers packeges were downloaded from the internet.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart illustrates how many
times
Use synonyms
 every
week
Use synonyms
 (in 1000a,) over five
weeks
Use synonyms
,
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
three
computers
Change the noun form
computer
show examples
 packages were installed from
Add an article
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the number of
times
Use synonyms
 that three packages downloaded like Activex, Java and Net have a period of growth over the 5
weeks
Use synonyms
.
It is clear that
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the package of Activax was under the 80
times
Use synonyms
 of installed on the first
week
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
 it started growing significantly throughout the 3
weeks
Use synonyms
 and by the end of
Correct your spelling
week 3
week3
Add a comma
week3,
show examples
 its growth illustrates approximately 100
times
Use synonyms
 of downloaded per
week
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, In
Correct article usage
a week4
show examples
week4
Correct your spelling
week 4
, it decreased between 80 and 120
times
Use synonyms
 and
nevertheless
Linking Words
, it reached
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a high peak, its rise illustrates 120
times
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
 the Java package was over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
40
times
Use synonyms
 in
week1
Correct your spelling
week
 and
then
Linking Words
 it had a period of minimal
rising
Replace the word
rise
show examples
 during the 5
weeks
Use synonyms
. It can be seen that,
initially
Linking Words
 the Net package was nearly 30
times
Use synonyms
 and it started normally reducing over the 3
weeks
Use synonyms
, its decrease compares around 20
times
Use synonyms
 every
week
Use synonyms
. After that, it lifted before rebounding, it shows 60
times
Use synonyms
of installing
Replace the word
installation
show examples
 by the end of
Correct article usage
the week5
show examples
week5
Correct your spelling
week
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

clarity
The opening sentence could be revised for clarity. You might consider rephrasing it to enhance its fluency. Additionally, be cautious with punctuation, such as correcting '1000a,' to '1000s.'
structure
The analysis of the trends is somewhat fragmented. Strive for smoother transitions between points and ensure the relationship between the data is explained more clearly. For example, introducing comparisons between the packages more fluidly would aid comprehension.
accuracy
When mentioning specific data points, ensure you're using correct and consistent terminology. For instance, instead of ‘installed,’ you might want to use ‘downloaded’ throughout to maintain consistency.
analysis
You've done well in identifying trends in the data, especially the growth observed in the Activex package.
achievement
Your report accurately compares the different packages over the weeks, which shows an understanding of the task's requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: