IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

We cannot help everyone in the world who needs help, so we should only be concerned with our communities and countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

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In our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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, most
people
Use synonyms
 can’t assist everyone in the world, who
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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 to ask for help,
thus
Linking Words
,
humans
Use synonyms
 should worry about their regions and citizens. I
am agree
Change the verb form
agree
show examples
 with that statement, as it most examples of
such
Linking Words
 situations. The essay will elaborate
why
Change preposition
on why
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 we couldn’t assist
people
Use synonyms
 with their issues and why should citizens
concern
Wrong verb form
concerned
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 about their republic.
Firstly
Linking Words
, most
Use synonyms
charity
Fix the agreement mistake
charities
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 struggle with many issues by means of volunteers and donations, which
humans
Use synonyms
 spend
for helping
Change preposition
to help
show examples
 refugees or
people
Use synonyms
 of all
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
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 with health problems.
However
Linking Words
, more often,
humans
Use synonyms
 do not have enough money or resources to support the shelter, where
humans
Use synonyms
 try to survive.
Moreover
Linking Words
, even the government cannot provide enough food or money for various
orphanage
Fix the agreement mistake
orphanages
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,
otherwise
Linking Words
, they couldn’t afford to pay
their
Change preposition
for their
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citizen's
Change noun form
citizens'
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 healthcare,
Correct word choice
or foreigner's
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foreigner's
Change noun form
foreigner
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 grants for the
institution
Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
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 and infrastructure of cities.
For example
Linking Words
, a student
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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California University
does
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
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 report about
charity
Use synonyms
 in the US, where reported about minimal donations from
people
Use synonyms
 of their financial interests and status.
Secondly
Linking Words
, individuals could understand the issues of their own regions better than anyone else. The citizens know the primary causes of the conflict or the problem of
motherland
Add an article
the motherland
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,
thus
Linking Words
, they are likely to offer effective help.
For example
Linking Words
, recently, my friends donated to the
charity
Use synonyms
 some old clothes and money and became official members of volunteers in the Programm of Almaty
charity
Use synonyms
. They knew that kids in the orphanage
had
Verb problem
did
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 not
had
Wrong verb form
have
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 enough things, especially clothes. In conclusion, actions often have a stronger impact because the person understands exactly what is needed. Someone’s helping in another country may be difficult
due to
Linking Words
 different understanding and experience of helping others.

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task achievement
Consider providing a clearer stance in your introduction, stating whether you agree or disagree more decisively. This could improve your Task Achievement score.
coherence and cohesion
Try to enhance the logical flow between your paragraphs. Use more linking words to seamlessly connect your ideas, which can improve your Coherence and Cohesion score.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This can strengthen your points and enhance your score in Task Achievement.
content
Your understanding of the challenges faced by charitable organizations and individuals in helping others is well articulated.
content
You provided personal experience, which adds a relatable element to your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • global interconnectivity
  • international cooperation
  • ethics
  • moral obligation
  • geographical borders
  • diplomatic relations
  • economic stability
  • global security
  • resource allocation
  • expertise
  • international aid
  • dependency and development
  • sustainable solutions
  • local and global initiatives
  • community resilience
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